Sunday, March 18, 2018

Moving On Beyond.

What is the appropriate time of mourning these days? At one point in history it was appropriate to mourn a parent for a year.   If you read Facebook you will continuously see that there is never a time it goes away, Grief never ends, it just changes,  how everyone grieves in their own time and the hole in your heart never mends.  All of those things.  For years reading those things has made me feel like a cold hearted or maybe even NO hearted person, because, as we put it in our world today, MY Truth is different..  I truly have a hard time with grief over all believe it or not so for me, its past time to move on. I hope that does not offend anyone reading.    So here goes.....a new series.

You learn a great deal when you clean out someone's personal effects, if you slow down and look at items and look for patterns etc.
I learned when going through my grandparents life time of existence that nothing could be taken for granted,  every single envelope, box, drawer and pocket had to be checked.  Such a valuable lesson.

So here we are living in my parents house.. trying to make room for our things.  We moved in, little by little, I think back in September.  For a while we just kind of co-existed like we were just visiting and then it became evident that we were her for the duration so it was time to start getting comfortable. Now, its my home.

One of the weekends I realized that I HAD to find a way to consolidate all the cleaning products in this house and just find out what was here.  I had gotten some of my FAVORITE 31 bags.. and I was putting one together to go under each bathroom sink so you could just grab it out and clean the bathroom in less than 15 minutes and put it back... and then I figured I could have one for cleaning supplies for the rest of the house in the utility closet. You know, like with dusting supplies and window cleaner and things like that... and there has been a wooden box under the kitchen sink for many years that was full of kitchen cleaning supplies and pods for the dishwasher and things like that.  But as I started looking around, it became apparent that we had WWWAAAYYYYY more cleaning supplies than we needed. WAY more.... I began to wonder, can you be a cleaning product addict?  If you could, my mother was.... I even found cleaning supplies in the top back of her closet, things that were completely irrelevant to cleaning a bedroom..... Hummm it could be true.  Jonathan spent an entire day pulling things out of cabinets, boxes, closets, under sinks, in places you wouldn't imagine and sorting them.  There were things we couldn't even identify the label on any more. What do we do with this? is it safe to throw away? Would it be considered toxic waste?  We cant even tell what it is.  HOW OLD are these things, are they still useful?  Did they loose their potency, did it GROW?

I counted them up as I went through the house as well, there were more than 50 febreze small spaces air fresheners through out this 3 bedroom 2 bath house.

I know that part of the reason for these things came from a great fear that she had of  at some point "smelling like an old person"  I knew enough to know what she was talking about.  As a small child I remember going to her older relatives houses, which I dearly loved to do, but some of them DID have a particular smell.  The houses were old and generally uninsulated, they used either wood or gas heat in the winter,  I even remember wood cook stoves in some of the houses.  We have none of the things that would cause many of the smells in our houses today, but she never could get that thought out of her head.  Also, she had a fear of smelling like an old person, herself.  Again, we have much better bathing situations and even nutritional situations so that was not going to happen, but if we have thoughts in our heads.

I also know that she forever compared herself to those around her.  Well, not really that, more she was afraid that those people were comparing her to themselves.  She never felt like anything she did was of any remote importance, or in any way special, therefore nothing she HAD was of any importance, nor was special.  She just knew that anyone who came in her house was looking down on her for what she perceived as pretty meager surroundings compared to others she knew.  Instead I think those same people were seeing a house filled with love, and comfort and kindness over seen by a woman who was truly concerned about their welfare and wellbeing.  I think they saw the artwork that hung on the walls, much of which SHE had done herself.  Her creativity was something to behold in so many areas. They just saw comfort and mostly, LOVE.

 She always said that she had no idea how to decorate a home like all of her sisters in law did.  I believe that all of them would disagree with her on that subject as well.  Again, her house was decorated with LOVE.

But that leads me back to the original though of this edition.  Neatness, tidiness, and over all cleanliness were very important to her for many reasons.  I'm not saying in any way that she should not have concerned herself with these things but I certainly say that one of her blessings on me is that I will not have to buy cleaning supplies beyond a few items for at least the next year or so.

Thank you so much, I am trying hard to live up to your standards.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

The ironic month of posessions 7 experiment

Well, I didn't get up as early today as my alarm went off but I'm up and moving now anyway.  I am trying very hard this month to stick to the goal of our 7 experiment program and not to deviate away. I wanted to do this program again for a reason so I'm trying to stick with the reason.  I am also sort of trying to catch up on the clothing month.  With my mothers passing and moving in to her house there will be many things to purge as they don't matter to me so I almost feel like I'm cheating in some way on this path but that's ok too I think. 
Our church is getting ready to have a yard sale to help fund our kids going to summer camp so this is the perfect time for me to do this.  I have a place for many of the things to go that will benefit someone else and maybe help raise some money for the kids as well.  I'm not sure how far I will get in this month either as now my mother in law is in the hospital with pneumonia.  She has advanced COPD as well so I'm afraid this is going to be rough.  My husband is in San Antonio with her while I am here taking care of all the businesses, beginning the legal stuff on my mothers affairs and just keeping the home fires burning.  Over the weekend I hauled out 2 garbage bags of things that were just trash.  Most of one of them to be fair was flowers that people sent us at my moms funeral.  They were beautiful and I loved walking in to the livingroom in the morning and smelling them, but time passes. 
There are so many things that need another home here in this house and in the Aloha House that it seems crazy and overwhelming to even think about it but I think that what I need to do to get over the overwhelm is to look at what Jen Hatmaker set out to do.  Her idea was to purge 7 items a day so I think that is going to work for me and then maybe I can also do more on days I have time.  I can then decide whether those 7 items go into the generic yard sale boxes or if they go in to the I have someone special in mind for these things boxes.  My goal will be to get those things out of my sight quickly before I decide that for what ever reason they need to be kept and I put them back away. 
So todays 7 purge has been completed.  4 vases from flowers that came.  I kept 2 of them that will be nice to have for future flowers. (I am going to do my best to keep fresh flowers in my house as they make me happy)  and 4 books that I don't care to read so that makes 8.  Now off to work and find 7 items there to purge as well. 

Sunday, January 7, 2018

7 Project week 1 Hash and Rehash

The first week of this project has been a very interesting start.  Things have not gone anywhere close to the order I originally numbered them but that is ok.  There are things that almost HAD to happen first and GOD saw that before I did and took care of reorganizing my thoughts.

So here at the end of week one I have some plans and some observations to share.

I will start with plans.

How am I doing on each of my items.
1) Eat in, not out.  I have set myself a limit of 7 times out this month and in the first week the challenge that slapped me was 2 meals out in one day because I was out of town.  I had planned for one but not both so I felt very annoyed by that.  On Saturday, I was given the opportunity to again "just grab some take out" for lunch so you don't have to come home and cook.  Nope, I want to fix food because I don't want restaurant food.  Whew, I made it. 22 CAN SHE DO IT?!?!?!

2) Pare down the kitchen and get it ready to be what I need it to be.  I wasn't really sure that this was something that might fit with the idea of a "food fast"  because technically it should fit more with possessions but after my daughter and I talked about it for a while, I came to realize that it really DOES fit in for mine.  I need a space to work in that is conducive to preparing meals at home that will have few to no preservatives, chemicals, be salt and sugar controlled, cost effective  and easy to make on a tight schedule.  So, along comes the God thing.  I post a video of organizing ones pantry that I found interesting, my friend commented that she missed that kind of thing, I offered to let her get her "fix" at my house, she took me up on the offer and PPPPPOOOFFF  TODAY WAS THE DAY.  I will later post before and after photos, this even involved hubby getting in there and hanging some shelves and reworking a freestanding cabinet to make a baking area!!!!!  He is even going to put the cabinet on castors so I can move it around the kitchen.  We emptied every single cabinet in the kitchen, cleaned it and put the stuff back.  We also eliminated a bunch of broken, unnecessary, old, scary things.  Again, photos forth coming, maybe.  We have a little bit to do still on the cabinet but over all I will have counter space to do food prep and our plan is also to start getting up earlier in the morning because of business.  I figure that I can prep food for the whole day at that time myself.
That way we will eat all three meals and will eat them at home.

3) Eliminate as many chemicals blah blah blah.  Food prep, lack of processed foods, use of instant pot, crockpot, and  good old fashioned stove and oven and here we go!  Pretty good for week 1

4) Shop as infrequently as possible is off to a good start.  Partly because I already had food here and want to use as much as I can with out shopping for more of the same, and partly becuause I knew that today was happening and wanted as little in the way as possible.  I do still have to do some reorganizing on the pull outs that contain the canned goods and such but that will happen in the next weeks as I do shop.  Oh, I also plan to get 3x5 cards and lable everything that goes in each place on the inside of the door so that we wont just go back to "the old ways" and we can keep things where they belong.

5-6, Menus, and Portion control, those have not happened yet but now that I have the kitchen out mostly out of the way I can get to work on those two things.  I keep trying to remind myself that this is a work in progress for me, a marathon, not a sprint, because what I am trying to do is changes that will last years, not the sprint of the moment.

Some where in here I combine a couple of my items too so this week I am reporting 6 instead of 7.  I am too tired tonight to go back and figure out where that happened and I am thinking it really does not matter to the long run.  If this ever gets published into a book, me editor can make me reevaluate and change it.  Until the, I think we are all safe.

Now for the observation part.  Everyone that I have followed through this seems to be finding out that what ever their major focus seems to have thrown them a curve ball this week.  For me, it was being faced with the eating out thing right off the bat, then having to make the decision of when NOT to just run to the store for something and telling the family, nope we are out of that I will get it the next time I make a major run, just write it on the list.  That has annoyed the others around me more than me it seems, but still annoyance is in the air.

The second observation has been that we have all (or at least a lot in our group have mentioned) that our spouses have in some way been more annoying than usual.  Hummm, I am wondering if this fast is bringing out some inconsistencies in the way we each view life?  Maybe because we are being denied something ( at least deep in our heads) those that are closest to us are standing out more than usual?  I don't know, maybe you all out there in TV land can help me figure that one out.  Why would we want to take out our frustrations on the one who is closest to us.. our other half, the one we walk beside?  When I began seeing  a pattern here, I can say it did pretty much stop me in my tracks and make me spend some time in prayer to evaluate my own behavior.  I came to the conclusion that God has put 3 people in front of me this week that I should very specifically be praying for.  The first and foremost of those people is my husband.  So, when I feel the urge to be frustrated about anything dealing with this time of fasting, I am going to attempt to remember to stop, drop and pray for him, and the other 2 situations that have jumped right in front of me.

The third thing I have observed is that in my own thought life, I am struggling with , get this one, feeling superior to people who are NOT doing this along with us.. I'm still working on where that is coming from, and why on earth I would WANT to feel superior to someone at all much less someone who doesn't even know what is going on.. Isnt that the strangest?  So, I know that the obvious solution to that problem is also prayer.. but NOT prayer as the guy who was thanking God that he was NOT like that poor beggar over there.........

So now, to bed to prepare for week 2.  Tuesday will again probably include a restaurant meal as I have to go out of town again but it will just be meal 3 and because we have a doctors appointment out of town.  A logical reason.

Goals for week 2, Menus beginning to happen, portion control beginning to happen, keep my "happy place" happy!!!!! Then the rest fall in place as well.

Monday, January 1, 2018

The 7 Project Sherry Style

Hello, My name is Sherry and I'm a stuff and things junkie. I'm not sure what "sobriety" will look like in this process but I'm getting ready to start trip 2 through it.

Understanding that I need to make it through this journey again started  in June, really .  My mother is 84 and in June started having some health problems that we did not understand.  After several months of tests and poking and prodding and seeing one doctor after another she was diagnosed with primarily a liver condition.  During this time she became very weak and unsure of staying alone in her house so, POOF.  Over night Jonathan and I moved in to her house.  By move in, I mean we put sheets on the bed in the "spare room" took enough clothes to get through the week and our pillows.  Since then I have moved a few cooking utensils that I rely on, cleaned out another bedroom to set up as my craft room which has actually gone no where else..., brought my rocking chair and sewing table and that is as far as I have gotten since somewhere in September.  At some point my brain just shut down on me because all I could do was look around me at all the things from over 60 years of living in THIS house.... walking back in to the hoarder like filth in the house that has my name on the deed... and looking around at the business property that has been collecting clutter on almost 6 acres for almost 59 years.  What am I supposed to DO with all this stuff?  It nearly all cost SOMEONE money, isn't that like throwing away money?  Couldn't someone benefit from something?  You know the whole idea of your trash may be someone elses treasure... how do I KNOW what is someone elses treasure?  I could spend the next 10 years picking an item around here and then finding someone else who needs it... I am not even kidding, folks, it is THAT BAD around here.  Not to mention there are things that, if I could sell them, would pay off a bill or two that would declutter that part of all 3 of my lives as well.  (yes, I live basically three lives... 1) my business world where I manage three businesses, care for all that stuff that is burying me alive.....2) The life I live here in my mom's house trying to keep her as healthy as possible and keep Jonathan as healthy as possible with the resourses that I am in control of.  My Mom  is much more concerned about "neat and tidy" than I have ever been since I found out perfection does Not exist and I gave up trying... somewhere around 10 or 11 and Jonathan is far less concerned about anything related to neat and tidy other than clean socks and underware.  Our cleaning styles have ALWAYS been at odds with each other so as you can imagine this is creating added stress in my head, plus no one in this house sleeps... well at least not at NIGHT. 
Stop action and move on.......and 3)  My life, and where my stuff is actually at.. all my crafting stuff,  ( I had finally gotten to the point that I could have a place to do my crafts... I had made curtains for that room that fit my bizzare personality was waiting to hang them.. and then I moved.  I'm not a big shoe person.. but all but 2 pair of shoes and one pair of boots are at that house.... I think I only have 3 more pair there and obviously have made it through months with out them... but...... My jewelry is there,  I don't wear much but from time to time it just speaks to me to get me through the day.  And somewhat MOST importantly to me, books, and my essential oils... (I have the MOST ESSENTIAL ones with me.. hahahaha) but the rest are calling my name but I really don't have room for them anywhere here.  And being able to just have time OFF DUTY.... That place represents off duty to me.  Just Sunday afternoon.. but enough.

Hummm, Ok that short explanation turned in to a total Brain Dump.....

Back to our regularly scheduled program.......
The short version is that there is just too much in my life at this point and something has to give, bug there is nothing that can give.  I cannot loose track of my Savior in all of this messy life I live and I'm having a harder and harder time hearing.

I tend to be a lot like how Jen Hatmaker describes her self.... ALL IN or All out.  My tendency on anything is to over complicate things to get where I want to go, therefore I cant keep up and I quit... Hummmm Old Testament?  I love systems it seems, I tend toward the OCD that way.. Systems and knowing what I am doing and what my long term goal is makes me comfortable and happy,.......... until the people who are also involved fail to see the importance to me of following those systems and either fail to do so or simply tell me it is completely unnecessary and they are not going to do it.... Until the crisis comes.  Then I crash and burn and give up and feel fairly certain that nothing is EVER going to change or be different or not simply lead from one crisis to the next... when if they would just see the need for that system, we would NOT HAVE TO HAVE these adrenaline rush based crises every other day and life would be much more present.  But trying to remember that this journey is mine alone, I have to figure out how to include those around me with out including them... Make sense?  Anyone wonder why I don't LIKE riding Rollercoasters?  Because my head is enough of a rollercoaster on an every day minute by minute basis... who needs a mechanical version????
Does anyone ELSE wonder how I even get ANYTHING done?

Man this first part is turning in to a book.

so again, Back to our regularly scheduled program.  Food month.

I have for about 2 weeks now tried to figure out what my end goal was going to be.  I have changed my goal about 5 times after listening to other people who are jumping on board with me, I MUST figure out the RIGHT, most ACCEPTABLE goal and then I started actually reading the BOOK of Jens, not just the Bible Study... OH NO, I'm not doing this because I am adopting or feel a special burden for a third world country at this moment.. Whats wrong with me?????  Panic set in.... If I'm not doing this for the "RIGHT REASON" then why am I doing it... Should I do this.. or that.. or that thing over there.... Lack of sleep crept in.... (I'm not even kidding, it has been that dramatic in my head)
So this morning.. it came to me.  (that still small voice when I had a chance to hear it)  "You know how last week you were totally distressed over throwing an entire trash can full of food away?  Hey, maybe your goal should be to figure out how to NOT throw out food"  Just that. And ALL of that.... how simple yet how complex.   Yesterday, I went to Walmart and bought a food sealer.  I had been planning to do that anyway because of the food loss around here. ( I figured out that no matter what we say, we really don't eat left overs.... I mean, if I cook something and I can reserve it either in the same form or an altered form one more time in the week but that is it.  so enter the food sealer)  We also purchased an instant pot right after Thanksgiving that I am loving.  

So after a LONG I'm sure less than entertaining build up.. (for anyone who is still here) Here are my goals for Chapter 1, Food

1)  Plan Menus ahead of time and be able to mix and match recipes for the next months of "winter" plan 4 sets of menus for each season of the year to be able to shop as seasonally as possible.

2) Eliminate as many chemicals and preservatives as possible from our diet.  This is necessary for the health conditions that are in this house besides the fact that one of us needs to not loose any more weight and the rest of us very much need to.

3) Learn Portion Control.. Excess means excess...... eat too much, weigh too much, hurt too much, etc.

4) Shop as infrequently as possible.  Because the title of this is the 7 experiment, I'm thinking I have to include something with that number so it makes sense to say that I want to go to the grocery store 7 or fewer times in the month instead of almost daily like I have been doing.. that is where the planning ahead must come in.

5) Eat out fewer than 7 times in the month

6) Use the tools that I have at my command to eliminate food waste.  By using those tools I can freeze more that can just be dropped in a pot of boiling water  in controlled portions to be happier, healthier and spend my time doing other things.

and of course it has to be because I really kinda am OCD

7)  Get this kitchen pared down and organized to produce all the other goals to get us to a happier, healthier point that is sustainable.

Too much?  Probably so I'm sure it will change over the month but honestly, health and sustainability are the things I must reach.

These are MY plans this month.. Lets see that Gods are..... shall we?

Sunday, December 31, 2017

A lesson in Humility on New Years Eve

Yesterday, was a pretty awful day.  One of those days that everything was just "off", you know?  Have you had one lately?   But that is completely beside the point now.

Today started differently,  quietly, peacefully, only one minor crisis before church.  That taken care of and I was only 15 minutes late.  What a wonderful time we had in Bible Study,  Church service and sermon were wonderful and thought provoking.  A trip to Walmart was next that proved a little Iffy, if you know what I mean.  Next, a quick trip to Las Cruces to deliver something that belonged to someone else, a quick stop at my aunt and uncles house to wish them Happy New Year and the road home for the evening.

Not that any of this really matters to the important part of my story, but here it is..... We decided that French toast sounded pretty wonderful so IHop it was.  Dinner started out by ordering brioche French toast that they were out of, and having to go check and see if they still had any of the cheesecake stuffed French Toast left as their new promotion starts tomorrow.  Our waiter came back, told me I could get my order of the cheesecake and that they could make the bananas foster French toast out of regular French toast.... Life was good again.  Then he came back again and told us that the Owner had found some brioche so the other two were getting their first order as well.  Our food came, we ate, it was good.....
THEN.........A young man who was sitting alone stood up and came over to our table.  He asked if we were out for the New Year and were we doing anything else this evening or was "this" it.  We assured him that from here we were calling it a night and going home.  He then begins to tell us that he wants to end his year on a good note and do something nice.  He wanted to know if it would be all right with us if he paid for our dinner.  Stop action..........

What do you do in a moment like that?  How do you respond?  We were perfectly capable of paying for our own meal.  He is obviously an airman sitting alone on a holiday evening, shouldn't WE be paying for HIS meal?   Is he up for adoption?  But then, a little voice somewhere says, he wants to do this.  Don't take his blessing away from him.  Ok, I wont, but looking up at this young man and telling him we would be honored if he paid for our meal was probably one of the harder things I have done lately.  It some how took a whole LOT of humility to say what I said.   I knew it was the right thing to do but wow..... After we got in the car and were on our way home, and we were talking about it, we all three agreed that having never had something like that happen before none of us were sure how to react in the moment.

Start action.........
Before we got home, I can tell you that I shed a few quiet tears over the whole episode.

So with this story being told, How do I see the end of 2017?  A lesson in blessing others through small acts.  A lesson in humility to give someone else the opportunity to be a blessing and receive a blessing... A lesson in taking a moment to see the world around you in a different way if just for a moment.

So how will I start out 2018?  Looking for the moment God wants to use ME to pay that small act of kindness forward as I promised that young man I would.  Looking for the moment that someone else might be able to see God IN me.  In 2018, may there be less of ME in the way so that there can be more of GOD!!!!!!

Sunday, August 6, 2017

I really dont have a good title at the moment but here goes

Something has been rattling around in the back of my head for a while now.  Thanks to a late night sermon, some deep thought on the subject, the words of an old friend that I have totally lost touch with and wish I knew where she was and some more words of "My Dear Ole Daddy'  I think I can express it now.  Topic:  Feeling Sorry For Myself.  Side bar ( It needs to be understood that either my dad gave me a great compass to steer through the shoals of life, or he really messed me up, it depends on who you talk to)

Someone said something to me a while ago , “Everyone has pity parties from time to time so its ok, isn’t it?”  My immediate reaction was *I DON’T* I don’t ever get the chance because yeah, there is always someone around me having one that I have to carry their back pack while they do.

 My response to that question has really bothered me but I couldn’t put my finger on why.  Well, Other than the obvious, well THERE is a pity party right now… even if you kept it in your own head. 

Then this morning as I stood over a sink full of dirty dishes that I didn’t create, it came to me. 

Sure, I guess I do have periods of time that I feel sorry for myself, like this past week or so when I have had to maneuver all of life with my foot in this stupid boot with people giving me the helpful advise of just take care of YOU…….and all I could think was I AM taking care of myself, but at a time like this shouldn’t someone ELSE be taking care of me?  Hummmm pity party alert……..(and the truth is, that if I really look around, just because it isn’t what I WANT at the moment, or the WAY I want it, doesn’t mean people aren’t doing what they think is best to take care of me)  WHAT?  Could the answer be, ITS NOT ABOUT ME?  

Then this morning it came to me, I could hear his voice as plain as day,  the words of my father.  “You know, when you are having trouble, the truth is, 90% of those around you honestly don’t really CARE..and the other 10% are GLAD you are having problems, so you might as well just shut up, try to smile and  put one foot in front of the other and keep on going.”

Which brought me to the late night sermon:  Want to live drama free?

His main point I believe was:  This life is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!   If you want to BE important, find something important to do, and do it, and keep doing it then you will BECOME important and you will encounter OTHER important people, doing important things. 

Which brings me to the words of an old friend (Linda Cruz, I still love and miss you) where ever you are…….I hear the mother ship finally called you home!!!!!   If you are feeling down, find someone who needs something, and do something for that person, in secret if you can.  Then you cannot boast to anyone about how good YOU are for helping that person. Because you know what?  This life is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!  And every time I have found myself in that position and I found a way to play “silent benefactor” I realized her words were true and wise.

And the last part of this thought:  What we used to refer to as “the Golden Rule” says Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  It doesn’t say Tell others how you want them to do unto you, and then complain until they do it the way you want it done.  It doesn’t say, Don’t do anything for anyone else until they are doing unto you the way you see fit.  It doesn’t say Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you and then get yours and run….. it doesn’t even say Stare at others until they understand that you have things that are not being taken care of and they should KNOW that they are responsible for your happiness and then when YOU are happy, you might consider doing something for them, well if you don’t forget cause you know, you are happy now and moving on to the next thing in your life.  It SAYS TREAT Other People and DO FOR PEOPLE like you WISH people would treat you and would do for you. End of sentence, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, its about serving others here. 

The answer then is, I DO have periods of time that I'm down, I feel "put upon and walked over in the search of something/someone more exciting and fun, drug through a knot hole backwards (what ever THAT old statement really means) and just really out of sorts and feeling sorry that the people I care about don't notice what "sacrifices" I have made for them to be happy, healthy and get what they want out of life and they in turn reciprocate to make one of my few and far between dreams closer to reality.  But my deep down EVERY day hope REALLY IS that no one knows I feel that way in that moment, because it really IS just a moment in time and tomorrow I would really hate to have hurt them by making them feel that just being in my life wasn't enough.  That I hold anyone else responsible for my happiness and contentment in life. That any of this life is about ME. 

So here I am, Silent Sunday morning…. With only the noise of my constant companions chewing on bones, I march on… bare foot, BOOT FOOT, bare foot, BOOT FOOT, bare foot, BOOT FOOT through the day to care for the needs of those I see around me in returning peace and contentment or at least pretended peace and contentment until the real thing shows up.  The dishes are done, the laundry is started, I have had my first cup of coffee while I wrote this and am off for another.  Now I will take a few minutes to sit in my yummy smelling “bat cave” read a little while I drink cup two of the first of several pots today figure out what my next task for the day will be. 

Friday, May 13, 2016

Bucket Lists, Living the Dream, Life is short.......

Thoughts weigh heavily on my mind today. 
Maybe its several conversations that happened today all combined but what ever it is, I'm feeling a little out of sorts tonight.
The only answer I have for anyone is Quit.
You can't live this miserable. 
You can't live this uncertain. 
I think it has to matter, but maybe it doesn't. 
If its this bad and this heavy, this untenable.........Walk away. 
What is it that I have heard?  "I was looking for a job when I found this one?"
 Everyone should get to live your dreams! 
What is life about if you don't?
I did everything I was SUPPOSED to do.. now I should get to do what I WANT to do.  
BUT THEY SAID!! and now they aren't.....
All I can say is..... Good night, maybe it will look better in the morning.. but if it doesn't????????
Find a new path.