What is the appropriate time of mourning these days? At one point in history it was appropriate to mourn a parent for a year. If you read Facebook you will continuously see that there is never a time it goes away, Grief never ends, it just changes, how everyone grieves in their own time and the hole in your heart never mends. All of those things. For years reading those things has made me feel like a cold hearted or maybe even NO hearted person, because, as we put it in our world today, MY Truth is different.. I truly have a hard time with grief over all believe it or not so for me, its past time to move on. I hope that does not offend anyone reading. So here goes.....a new series.
You learn a great deal when you clean out someone's personal effects, if you slow down and look at items and look for patterns etc.
I learned when going through my grandparents life time of existence that nothing could be taken for granted, every single envelope, box, drawer and pocket had to be checked. Such a valuable lesson.
So here we are living in my parents house.. trying to make room for our things. We moved in, little by little, I think back in September. For a while we just kind of co-existed like we were just visiting and then it became evident that we were her for the duration so it was time to start getting comfortable. Now, its my home.
One of the weekends I realized that I HAD to find a way to consolidate all the cleaning products in this house and just find out what was here. I had gotten some of my FAVORITE 31 bags.. and I was putting one together to go under each bathroom sink so you could just grab it out and clean the bathroom in less than 15 minutes and put it back... and then I figured I could have one for cleaning supplies for the rest of the house in the utility closet. You know, like with dusting supplies and window cleaner and things like that... and there has been a wooden box under the kitchen sink for many years that was full of kitchen cleaning supplies and pods for the dishwasher and things like that. But as I started looking around, it became apparent that we had WWWAAAYYYYY more cleaning supplies than we needed. WAY more.... I began to wonder, can you be a cleaning product addict? If you could, my mother was.... I even found cleaning supplies in the top back of her closet, things that were completely irrelevant to cleaning a bedroom..... Hummm it could be true. Jonathan spent an entire day pulling things out of cabinets, boxes, closets, under sinks, in places you wouldn't imagine and sorting them. There were things we couldn't even identify the label on any more. What do we do with this? is it safe to throw away? Would it be considered toxic waste? We cant even tell what it is. HOW OLD are these things, are they still useful? Did they loose their potency, did it GROW?
I counted them up as I went through the house as well, there were more than 50 febreze small spaces air fresheners through out this 3 bedroom 2 bath house.
I know that part of the reason for these things came from a great fear that she had of at some point "smelling like an old person" I knew enough to know what she was talking about. As a small child I remember going to her older relatives houses, which I dearly loved to do, but some of them DID have a particular smell. The houses were old and generally uninsulated, they used either wood or gas heat in the winter, I even remember wood cook stoves in some of the houses. We have none of the things that would cause many of the smells in our houses today, but she never could get that thought out of her head. Also, she had a fear of smelling like an old person, herself. Again, we have much better bathing situations and even nutritional situations so that was not going to happen, but if we have thoughts in our heads.
I also know that she forever compared herself to those around her. Well, not really that, more she was afraid that those people were comparing her to themselves. She never felt like anything she did was of any remote importance, or in any way special, therefore nothing she HAD was of any importance, nor was special. She just knew that anyone who came in her house was looking down on her for what she perceived as pretty meager surroundings compared to others she knew. Instead I think those same people were seeing a house filled with love, and comfort and kindness over seen by a woman who was truly concerned about their welfare and wellbeing. I think they saw the artwork that hung on the walls, much of which SHE had done herself. Her creativity was something to behold in so many areas. They just saw comfort and mostly, LOVE.
She always said that she had no idea how to decorate a home like all of her sisters in law did. I believe that all of them would disagree with her on that subject as well. Again, her house was decorated with LOVE.
But that leads me back to the original though of this edition. Neatness, tidiness, and over all cleanliness were very important to her for many reasons. I'm not saying in any way that she should not have concerned herself with these things but I certainly say that one of her blessings on me is that I will not have to buy cleaning supplies beyond a few items for at least the next year or so.
Thank you so much, I am trying hard to live up to your standards.
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