Friends

     As I look back over my life, I find that I am not good at making friends.  I have always been more of a loner than I have been a joiner.  Lets start with everyone knowing that.

 

     Now this thought process began from a conversation that my husband and I were having a few minutes ago.  He is approaching retirement and as this is a very scary proposition for me from ways that most people don't understand, this is a conversation for another time.  But, as we discussed this I was trying to find some common ground and be able to support him in is concerns.  I was telling him about how I felt when I quit teaching about the idea of handing my keys in.  I had done it before when I changed schools and moved around programs, but the last time I knew that it was for the last time, for ever.  It was a little weird for sure.  He made the comment that me quitting teaching was his fault as well.  This lead me to several other places in my head but the short version of the story is that it lead me to my friends over the years. 

 

     I am very glad, I see now, to see how my husband is being deliberate in his setting up a situation to maintain the friendships of the people he is friends with through work. 

 

     I have not ever done that in my life when chapters came to a close and I realize now that ever "group" of friends that I have pretty much ever had were friends, because of the situation I was in at the time.  During high school, I was friends with other people on the speech and debate team.  In college I was friends with my room mates and suite-mates,  because they were there.  Every place I taught school I had a built in group of friends that came with the job.  When I changed schools I had a new group of friends waiting for me.  When I quit teaching and we moved up the mountain and we had no phone and little time to drive up and down the mountain, I soon realized all of those people had quickly moved on.  

 

     Making friends in a very small town proved to be very difficult for me as most of the women my age had children in middle school or high school and had a great amount of free time on their hands and I still had small children at home. Those who had small children were very much younger than I was and had much different interests I life. I did, however, have a circle of friends who's children were involved in the same activities that my kids were involved in.   I  did, finally, find a friend who had children the same age as most of my kids.  We went everywhere together.  By the time most of our kids were grown, our paths went in different directions.  It isn't that we aren't still friends but that is the only thing we really have in common anymore. 

 

     I have settled in to a world that I have a LOT of people on the edges of my life but none that "come with the job", so to say. 

 

     What has been consistent in my life is my family.  My husband and my kids. Those are the friends I care about and the people I want to watch do the things that make them happy.  For me, I guess I have come to realize is that friendship is.... a spectator sport. 

Garden 2013 so far.

I cannot believe that my parsley, sage, rosemary and...............CHIVES  weathered the winter.

(You KNOW that song is stuck in your head for the rest of the day. 

Just add a little water and I have herbs ready to pick. 

Now, for the next picture, we had this home built shelf unit out in the workshop behind our store that came out to make room for some more "up to date" kind of storage.  I grabbed it before they could dismantle it and throw the "old rotten lumber" away.  It is now my "square foot garden like raised bed"  So far I have one type of lettuce, some spinach, 2 kinds of thyme.. (yep there is where the thyme is at, songs back isn't it) my absolute favorite herb...basil growing and I have planted kale and swis chard in the 2 bigger spaces as well that is starting to come up!!!!

This weekend oregano, chocolate mint, and several other things will get planted and will keep adding until it is filled up.

 

 My other raised beds are slowly coming together as well, here you see broccoli, and collard greens, one green bell pepper that I think froze the other night and some yellow squash that Im not sure if is going to make it after the wind storm we had. 
 This weekend the "wind/sun breaks get put up and I cant wait to share pictures of that when I get done

 2 tomato plants

 This is one more tomato and then the potatoes that came up from last year when I didn't get any.
The next picture is of the new things we bought asparagus, chocolate mint, oregano, okra and ummmm something else that is there.

Today I got the things in the flat planted in the ground and got seeds in for pole beans, beets, radishes, and 2 more kinds of greens for salads.  Oh and besides the 3 okra plants I planted more seeds as well.  Cant wait to start harvesting.  I need to also get some squash type plants in.  What a great day.  I will add pictures of the wind breaks when I can get them up.

Changing Patterns

So, what do you do when you figure out that certain habits are detrimental to your wellbeing, but they are so ingrained that you don't see things happening until after the situation is over?  I'm about to find out. 

I am, what the doctor who delivered all 4 of my kids labeled me,  "the family hero".  This means that I feel like I am the caretaker and fixer of all things in my world. 

The problem I have is that somewhere deep inside, thanks to being a teacher for many years, and a homeschooling mom, and deeply concerned for not only those around me, but also for my fellow man and the world around me,  I feel like I have to have an answer for everything.  Even if I don't really KNOW the answer, when confronted with a situation that is concerning those around me, words just come out my mouth to try to make it better. 

It isn't exactly about me being a "know it all" as I don't try to tell everyone else what they should do or pretend to know about things I don't really know about.  Its more of a desire to understand and help a person through what ever situation they are in or to explain what's happening to try to keep the peace around me.  I have this very deep-seated need to see as many sides to a situation as I can to better understand and formulate a plan. 

Example,  One of my kids gets annoyed with something that another of my kids did and talks to me about it.  I feel driven to explain the behavior or situation so that the annoyed one will not be upset anymore. 

Example:  When something is going on in the world that is confusing, Why does that person think that that legislation is helpful?  I try mentally to put myself there to think it through and understand.

There are many other examples I could give but wont because that isn't my point at the moment.  My point is that I need to change this habit. It is proving to be detrimental to not only myself, but to others around me and is not furthering the cause in any way.  I have come to understand that all I am doing is making up excuses for other peoples thoughts and behaviors from information I generally don't have to make decisions from.  I want to change this behavior to remember that I don't HAVE to have an answer for everything.  Its ok. 

Here's the catch, however; I have no idea how to stop doing this and just shut up.  I thought for a while that I could find a way to catch myself doing this and just keep the words in my head.  After all, I have spent a lot of time trying to teach my children, "just because there are words in your head, does not mean in any way that they need to come out your mouth"  Seems that has not applied to me.

The new habit I need to learn is to simply be quiet and no matter how expectantly a person looks at me, I simply say something like "Oh".  And just stop there. 

My mouth has always gotten me in trouble and I try to remember that the Bible tells us over and over that the tongue is a huge problem.  There is an old saying that came from somewhere that goes something like "Today, God, send my guardian angel to stand beside me, with is arm around me and his hand over my mouth"  I believe that is going to be my prayer request each day when I wake up.