As I look back over my life, I find that I am not good at making friends. I have always been more of a loner than I have been a joiner. Lets start with everyone knowing that.
Now this thought process began from a conversation that my husband and I were having a few minutes ago. He is approaching retirement and as this is a very scary proposition for me from ways that most people don't understand, this is a conversation for another time. But, as we discussed this I was trying to find some common ground and be able to support him in is concerns. I was telling him about how I felt when I quit teaching about the idea of handing my keys in. I had done it before when I changed schools and moved around programs, but the last time I knew that it was for the last time, for ever. It was a little weird for sure. He made the comment that me quitting teaching was his fault as well. This lead me to several other places in my head but the short version of the story is that it lead me to my friends over the years.
I am very glad, I see now, to see how my husband is being deliberate in his setting up a situation to maintain the friendships of the people he is friends with through work.
I have not ever done that in my life when chapters came to a close and I realize now that ever "group" of friends that I have pretty much ever had were friends, because of the situation I was in at the time. During high school, I was friends with other people on the speech and debate team. In college I was friends with my room mates and suite-mates, because they were there. Every place I taught school I had a built in group of friends that came with the job. When I changed schools I had a new group of friends waiting for me. When I quit teaching and we moved up the mountain and we had no phone and little time to drive up and down the mountain, I soon realized all of those people had quickly moved on.
Making friends in a very small town proved to be very difficult for me as most of the women my age had children in middle school or high school and had a great amount of free time on their hands and I still had small children at home. Those who had small children were very much younger than I was and had much different interests I life. I did, however, have a circle of friends who's children were involved in the same activities that my kids were involved in. I did, finally, find a friend who had children the same age as most of my kids. We went everywhere together. By the time most of our kids were grown, our paths went in different directions. It isn't that we aren't still friends but that is the only thing we really have in common anymore.
I have settled in to a world that I have a LOT of people on the edges of my life but none that "come with the job", so to say.
What has been consistent in my life is my family. My husband and my kids. Those are the friends I care about and the people I want to watch do the things that make them happy. For me, I guess I have come to realize is that friendship is.... a spectator sport.
No comments:
Post a Comment