The first week of this project has been a very interesting start. Things have not gone anywhere close to the order I originally numbered them but that is ok. There are things that almost HAD to happen first and GOD saw that before I did and took care of reorganizing my thoughts.
So here at the end of week one I have some plans and some observations to share.
I will start with plans.
How am I doing on each of my items.
1) Eat in, not out. I have set myself a limit of 7 times out this month and in the first week the challenge that slapped me was 2 meals out in one day because I was out of town. I had planned for one but not both so I felt very annoyed by that. On Saturday, I was given the opportunity to again "just grab some take out" for lunch so you don't have to come home and cook. Nope, I want to fix food because I don't want restaurant food. Whew, I made it. 22 CAN SHE DO IT?!?!?!
2) Pare down the kitchen and get it ready to be what I need it to be. I wasn't really sure that this was something that might fit with the idea of a "food fast" because technically it should fit more with possessions but after my daughter and I talked about it for a while, I came to realize that it really DOES fit in for mine. I need a space to work in that is conducive to preparing meals at home that will have few to no preservatives, chemicals, be salt and sugar controlled, cost effective and easy to make on a tight schedule. So, along comes the God thing. I post a video of organizing ones pantry that I found interesting, my friend commented that she missed that kind of thing, I offered to let her get her "fix" at my house, she took me up on the offer and PPPPPOOOFFF TODAY WAS THE DAY. I will later post before and after photos, this even involved hubby getting in there and hanging some shelves and reworking a freestanding cabinet to make a baking area!!!!! He is even going to put the cabinet on castors so I can move it around the kitchen. We emptied every single cabinet in the kitchen, cleaned it and put the stuff back. We also eliminated a bunch of broken, unnecessary, old, scary things. Again, photos forth coming, maybe. We have a little bit to do still on the cabinet but over all I will have counter space to do food prep and our plan is also to start getting up earlier in the morning because of business. I figure that I can prep food for the whole day at that time myself.
That way we will eat all three meals and will eat them at home.
3) Eliminate as many chemicals blah blah blah. Food prep, lack of processed foods, use of instant pot, crockpot, and good old fashioned stove and oven and here we go! Pretty good for week 1
4) Shop as infrequently as possible is off to a good start. Partly because I already had food here and want to use as much as I can with out shopping for more of the same, and partly becuause I knew that today was happening and wanted as little in the way as possible. I do still have to do some reorganizing on the pull outs that contain the canned goods and such but that will happen in the next weeks as I do shop. Oh, I also plan to get 3x5 cards and lable everything that goes in each place on the inside of the door so that we wont just go back to "the old ways" and we can keep things where they belong.
5-6, Menus, and Portion control, those have not happened yet but now that I have the kitchen out mostly out of the way I can get to work on those two things. I keep trying to remind myself that this is a work in progress for me, a marathon, not a sprint, because what I am trying to do is changes that will last years, not the sprint of the moment.
Some where in here I combine a couple of my items too so this week I am reporting 6 instead of 7. I am too tired tonight to go back and figure out where that happened and I am thinking it really does not matter to the long run. If this ever gets published into a book, me editor can make me reevaluate and change it. Until the, I think we are all safe.
Now for the observation part. Everyone that I have followed through this seems to be finding out that what ever their major focus seems to have thrown them a curve ball this week. For me, it was being faced with the eating out thing right off the bat, then having to make the decision of when NOT to just run to the store for something and telling the family, nope we are out of that I will get it the next time I make a major run, just write it on the list. That has annoyed the others around me more than me it seems, but still annoyance is in the air.
The second observation has been that we have all (or at least a lot in our group have mentioned) that our spouses have in some way been more annoying than usual. Hummm, I am wondering if this fast is bringing out some inconsistencies in the way we each view life? Maybe because we are being denied something ( at least deep in our heads) those that are closest to us are standing out more than usual? I don't know, maybe you all out there in TV land can help me figure that one out. Why would we want to take out our frustrations on the one who is closest to us.. our other half, the one we walk beside? When I began seeing a pattern here, I can say it did pretty much stop me in my tracks and make me spend some time in prayer to evaluate my own behavior. I came to the conclusion that God has put 3 people in front of me this week that I should very specifically be praying for. The first and foremost of those people is my husband. So, when I feel the urge to be frustrated about anything dealing with this time of fasting, I am going to attempt to remember to stop, drop and pray for him, and the other 2 situations that have jumped right in front of me.
The third thing I have observed is that in my own thought life, I am struggling with , get this one, feeling superior to people who are NOT doing this along with us.. I'm still working on where that is coming from, and why on earth I would WANT to feel superior to someone at all much less someone who doesn't even know what is going on.. Isnt that the strangest? So, I know that the obvious solution to that problem is also prayer.. but NOT prayer as the guy who was thanking God that he was NOT like that poor beggar over there.........
So now, to bed to prepare for week 2. Tuesday will again probably include a restaurant meal as I have to go out of town again but it will just be meal 3 and because we have a doctors appointment out of town. A logical reason.
Goals for week 2, Menus beginning to happen, portion control beginning to happen, keep my "happy place" happy!!!!! Then the rest fall in place as well.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
Monday, January 1, 2018
The 7 Project Sherry Style
Hello, My name is Sherry and I'm a stuff and things junkie. I'm not sure what "sobriety" will look like in this process but I'm getting ready to start trip 2 through it.
Understanding that I need to make it through this journey again started in June, really . My mother is 84 and in June started having some health problems that we did not understand. After several months of tests and poking and prodding and seeing one doctor after another she was diagnosed with primarily a liver condition. During this time she became very weak and unsure of staying alone in her house so, POOF. Over night Jonathan and I moved in to her house. By move in, I mean we put sheets on the bed in the "spare room" took enough clothes to get through the week and our pillows. Since then I have moved a few cooking utensils that I rely on, cleaned out another bedroom to set up as my craft room which has actually gone no where else..., brought my rocking chair and sewing table and that is as far as I have gotten since somewhere in September. At some point my brain just shut down on me because all I could do was look around me at all the things from over 60 years of living in THIS house.... walking back in to the hoarder like filth in the house that has my name on the deed... and looking around at the business property that has been collecting clutter on almost 6 acres for almost 59 years. What am I supposed to DO with all this stuff? It nearly all cost SOMEONE money, isn't that like throwing away money? Couldn't someone benefit from something? You know the whole idea of your trash may be someone elses treasure... how do I KNOW what is someone elses treasure? I could spend the next 10 years picking an item around here and then finding someone else who needs it... I am not even kidding, folks, it is THAT BAD around here. Not to mention there are things that, if I could sell them, would pay off a bill or two that would declutter that part of all 3 of my lives as well. (yes, I live basically three lives... 1) my business world where I manage three businesses, care for all that stuff that is burying me alive.....2) The life I live here in my mom's house trying to keep her as healthy as possible and keep Jonathan as healthy as possible with the resourses that I am in control of. My Mom is much more concerned about "neat and tidy" than I have ever been since I found out perfection does Not exist and I gave up trying... somewhere around 10 or 11 and Jonathan is far less concerned about anything related to neat and tidy other than clean socks and underware. Our cleaning styles have ALWAYS been at odds with each other so as you can imagine this is creating added stress in my head, plus no one in this house sleeps... well at least not at NIGHT.
Stop action and move on.......and 3) My life, and where my stuff is actually at.. all my crafting stuff, ( I had finally gotten to the point that I could have a place to do my crafts... I had made curtains for that room that fit my bizzare personality was waiting to hang them.. and then I moved. I'm not a big shoe person.. but all but 2 pair of shoes and one pair of boots are at that house.... I think I only have 3 more pair there and obviously have made it through months with out them... but...... My jewelry is there, I don't wear much but from time to time it just speaks to me to get me through the day. And somewhat MOST importantly to me, books, and my essential oils... (I have the MOST ESSENTIAL ones with me.. hahahaha) but the rest are calling my name but I really don't have room for them anywhere here. And being able to just have time OFF DUTY.... That place represents off duty to me. Just Sunday afternoon.. but enough.
Hummm, Ok that short explanation turned in to a total Brain Dump.....
Back to our regularly scheduled program.......
The short version is that there is just too much in my life at this point and something has to give, bug there is nothing that can give. I cannot loose track of my Savior in all of this messy life I live and I'm having a harder and harder time hearing.
I tend to be a lot like how Jen Hatmaker describes her self.... ALL IN or All out. My tendency on anything is to over complicate things to get where I want to go, therefore I cant keep up and I quit... Hummmm Old Testament? I love systems it seems, I tend toward the OCD that way.. Systems and knowing what I am doing and what my long term goal is makes me comfortable and happy,.......... until the people who are also involved fail to see the importance to me of following those systems and either fail to do so or simply tell me it is completely unnecessary and they are not going to do it.... Until the crisis comes. Then I crash and burn and give up and feel fairly certain that nothing is EVER going to change or be different or not simply lead from one crisis to the next... when if they would just see the need for that system, we would NOT HAVE TO HAVE these adrenaline rush based crises every other day and life would be much more present. But trying to remember that this journey is mine alone, I have to figure out how to include those around me with out including them... Make sense? Anyone wonder why I don't LIKE riding Rollercoasters? Because my head is enough of a rollercoaster on an every day minute by minute basis... who needs a mechanical version????
Does anyone ELSE wonder how I even get ANYTHING done?
Man this first part is turning in to a book.
so again, Back to our regularly scheduled program. Food month.
I have for about 2 weeks now tried to figure out what my end goal was going to be. I have changed my goal about 5 times after listening to other people who are jumping on board with me, I MUST figure out the RIGHT, most ACCEPTABLE goal and then I started actually reading the BOOK of Jens, not just the Bible Study... OH NO, I'm not doing this because I am adopting or feel a special burden for a third world country at this moment.. Whats wrong with me????? Panic set in.... If I'm not doing this for the "RIGHT REASON" then why am I doing it... Should I do this.. or that.. or that thing over there.... Lack of sleep crept in.... (I'm not even kidding, it has been that dramatic in my head)
So this morning.. it came to me. (that still small voice when I had a chance to hear it) "You know how last week you were totally distressed over throwing an entire trash can full of food away? Hey, maybe your goal should be to figure out how to NOT throw out food" Just that. And ALL of that.... how simple yet how complex. Yesterday, I went to Walmart and bought a food sealer. I had been planning to do that anyway because of the food loss around here. ( I figured out that no matter what we say, we really don't eat left overs.... I mean, if I cook something and I can reserve it either in the same form or an altered form one more time in the week but that is it. so enter the food sealer) We also purchased an instant pot right after Thanksgiving that I am loving.
So after a LONG I'm sure less than entertaining build up.. (for anyone who is still here) Here are my goals for Chapter 1, Food
1) Plan Menus ahead of time and be able to mix and match recipes for the next months of "winter" plan 4 sets of menus for each season of the year to be able to shop as seasonally as possible.
2) Eliminate as many chemicals and preservatives as possible from our diet. This is necessary for the health conditions that are in this house besides the fact that one of us needs to not loose any more weight and the rest of us very much need to.
3) Learn Portion Control.. Excess means excess...... eat too much, weigh too much, hurt too much, etc.
4) Shop as infrequently as possible. Because the title of this is the 7 experiment, I'm thinking I have to include something with that number so it makes sense to say that I want to go to the grocery store 7 or fewer times in the month instead of almost daily like I have been doing.. that is where the planning ahead must come in.
5) Eat out fewer than 7 times in the month
and
6) Use the tools that I have at my command to eliminate food waste. By using those tools I can freeze more that can just be dropped in a pot of boiling water in controlled portions to be happier, healthier and spend my time doing other things.
and of course it has to be because I really kinda am OCD
7) Get this kitchen pared down and organized to produce all the other goals to get us to a happier, healthier point that is sustainable.
Too much? Probably so I'm sure it will change over the month but honestly, health and sustainability are the things I must reach.
These are MY plans this month.. Lets see that Gods are..... shall we?
Understanding that I need to make it through this journey again started in June, really . My mother is 84 and in June started having some health problems that we did not understand. After several months of tests and poking and prodding and seeing one doctor after another she was diagnosed with primarily a liver condition. During this time she became very weak and unsure of staying alone in her house so, POOF. Over night Jonathan and I moved in to her house. By move in, I mean we put sheets on the bed in the "spare room" took enough clothes to get through the week and our pillows. Since then I have moved a few cooking utensils that I rely on, cleaned out another bedroom to set up as my craft room which has actually gone no where else..., brought my rocking chair and sewing table and that is as far as I have gotten since somewhere in September. At some point my brain just shut down on me because all I could do was look around me at all the things from over 60 years of living in THIS house.... walking back in to the hoarder like filth in the house that has my name on the deed... and looking around at the business property that has been collecting clutter on almost 6 acres for almost 59 years. What am I supposed to DO with all this stuff? It nearly all cost SOMEONE money, isn't that like throwing away money? Couldn't someone benefit from something? You know the whole idea of your trash may be someone elses treasure... how do I KNOW what is someone elses treasure? I could spend the next 10 years picking an item around here and then finding someone else who needs it... I am not even kidding, folks, it is THAT BAD around here. Not to mention there are things that, if I could sell them, would pay off a bill or two that would declutter that part of all 3 of my lives as well. (yes, I live basically three lives... 1) my business world where I manage three businesses, care for all that stuff that is burying me alive.....2) The life I live here in my mom's house trying to keep her as healthy as possible and keep Jonathan as healthy as possible with the resourses that I am in control of. My Mom is much more concerned about "neat and tidy" than I have ever been since I found out perfection does Not exist and I gave up trying... somewhere around 10 or 11 and Jonathan is far less concerned about anything related to neat and tidy other than clean socks and underware. Our cleaning styles have ALWAYS been at odds with each other so as you can imagine this is creating added stress in my head, plus no one in this house sleeps... well at least not at NIGHT.
Stop action and move on.......and 3) My life, and where my stuff is actually at.. all my crafting stuff, ( I had finally gotten to the point that I could have a place to do my crafts... I had made curtains for that room that fit my bizzare personality was waiting to hang them.. and then I moved. I'm not a big shoe person.. but all but 2 pair of shoes and one pair of boots are at that house.... I think I only have 3 more pair there and obviously have made it through months with out them... but...... My jewelry is there, I don't wear much but from time to time it just speaks to me to get me through the day. And somewhat MOST importantly to me, books, and my essential oils... (I have the MOST ESSENTIAL ones with me.. hahahaha) but the rest are calling my name but I really don't have room for them anywhere here. And being able to just have time OFF DUTY.... That place represents off duty to me. Just Sunday afternoon.. but enough.
Hummm, Ok that short explanation turned in to a total Brain Dump.....
Back to our regularly scheduled program.......
The short version is that there is just too much in my life at this point and something has to give, bug there is nothing that can give. I cannot loose track of my Savior in all of this messy life I live and I'm having a harder and harder time hearing.
I tend to be a lot like how Jen Hatmaker describes her self.... ALL IN or All out. My tendency on anything is to over complicate things to get where I want to go, therefore I cant keep up and I quit... Hummmm Old Testament? I love systems it seems, I tend toward the OCD that way.. Systems and knowing what I am doing and what my long term goal is makes me comfortable and happy,.......... until the people who are also involved fail to see the importance to me of following those systems and either fail to do so or simply tell me it is completely unnecessary and they are not going to do it.... Until the crisis comes. Then I crash and burn and give up and feel fairly certain that nothing is EVER going to change or be different or not simply lead from one crisis to the next... when if they would just see the need for that system, we would NOT HAVE TO HAVE these adrenaline rush based crises every other day and life would be much more present. But trying to remember that this journey is mine alone, I have to figure out how to include those around me with out including them... Make sense? Anyone wonder why I don't LIKE riding Rollercoasters? Because my head is enough of a rollercoaster on an every day minute by minute basis... who needs a mechanical version????
Does anyone ELSE wonder how I even get ANYTHING done?
Man this first part is turning in to a book.
so again, Back to our regularly scheduled program. Food month.
I have for about 2 weeks now tried to figure out what my end goal was going to be. I have changed my goal about 5 times after listening to other people who are jumping on board with me, I MUST figure out the RIGHT, most ACCEPTABLE goal and then I started actually reading the BOOK of Jens, not just the Bible Study... OH NO, I'm not doing this because I am adopting or feel a special burden for a third world country at this moment.. Whats wrong with me????? Panic set in.... If I'm not doing this for the "RIGHT REASON" then why am I doing it... Should I do this.. or that.. or that thing over there.... Lack of sleep crept in.... (I'm not even kidding, it has been that dramatic in my head)
So this morning.. it came to me. (that still small voice when I had a chance to hear it) "You know how last week you were totally distressed over throwing an entire trash can full of food away? Hey, maybe your goal should be to figure out how to NOT throw out food" Just that. And ALL of that.... how simple yet how complex. Yesterday, I went to Walmart and bought a food sealer. I had been planning to do that anyway because of the food loss around here. ( I figured out that no matter what we say, we really don't eat left overs.... I mean, if I cook something and I can reserve it either in the same form or an altered form one more time in the week but that is it. so enter the food sealer) We also purchased an instant pot right after Thanksgiving that I am loving.
So after a LONG I'm sure less than entertaining build up.. (for anyone who is still here) Here are my goals for Chapter 1, Food
1) Plan Menus ahead of time and be able to mix and match recipes for the next months of "winter" plan 4 sets of menus for each season of the year to be able to shop as seasonally as possible.
2) Eliminate as many chemicals and preservatives as possible from our diet. This is necessary for the health conditions that are in this house besides the fact that one of us needs to not loose any more weight and the rest of us very much need to.
3) Learn Portion Control.. Excess means excess...... eat too much, weigh too much, hurt too much, etc.
4) Shop as infrequently as possible. Because the title of this is the 7 experiment, I'm thinking I have to include something with that number so it makes sense to say that I want to go to the grocery store 7 or fewer times in the month instead of almost daily like I have been doing.. that is where the planning ahead must come in.
5) Eat out fewer than 7 times in the month
and
6) Use the tools that I have at my command to eliminate food waste. By using those tools I can freeze more that can just be dropped in a pot of boiling water in controlled portions to be happier, healthier and spend my time doing other things.
and of course it has to be because I really kinda am OCD
7) Get this kitchen pared down and organized to produce all the other goals to get us to a happier, healthier point that is sustainable.
Too much? Probably so I'm sure it will change over the month but honestly, health and sustainability are the things I must reach.
These are MY plans this month.. Lets see that Gods are..... shall we?
Sunday, December 31, 2017
A lesson in Humility on New Years Eve
Yesterday, was a pretty awful day. One of those days that everything was just "off", you know? Have you had one lately? But that is completely beside the point now.
Today started differently, quietly, peacefully, only one minor crisis before church. That taken care of and I was only 15 minutes late. What a wonderful time we had in Bible Study, Church service and sermon were wonderful and thought provoking. A trip to Walmart was next that proved a little Iffy, if you know what I mean. Next, a quick trip to Las Cruces to deliver something that belonged to someone else, a quick stop at my aunt and uncles house to wish them Happy New Year and the road home for the evening.
Not that any of this really matters to the important part of my story, but here it is..... We decided that French toast sounded pretty wonderful so IHop it was. Dinner started out by ordering brioche French toast that they were out of, and having to go check and see if they still had any of the cheesecake stuffed French Toast left as their new promotion starts tomorrow. Our waiter came back, told me I could get my order of the cheesecake and that they could make the bananas foster French toast out of regular French toast.... Life was good again. Then he came back again and told us that the Owner had found some brioche so the other two were getting their first order as well. Our food came, we ate, it was good.....
THEN.........A young man who was sitting alone stood up and came over to our table. He asked if we were out for the New Year and were we doing anything else this evening or was "this" it. We assured him that from here we were calling it a night and going home. He then begins to tell us that he wants to end his year on a good note and do something nice. He wanted to know if it would be all right with us if he paid for our dinner. Stop action..........
What do you do in a moment like that? How do you respond? We were perfectly capable of paying for our own meal. He is obviously an airman sitting alone on a holiday evening, shouldn't WE be paying for HIS meal? Is he up for adoption? But then, a little voice somewhere says, he wants to do this. Don't take his blessing away from him. Ok, I wont, but looking up at this young man and telling him we would be honored if he paid for our meal was probably one of the harder things I have done lately. It some how took a whole LOT of humility to say what I said. I knew it was the right thing to do but wow..... After we got in the car and were on our way home, and we were talking about it, we all three agreed that having never had something like that happen before none of us were sure how to react in the moment.
Start action.........
Before we got home, I can tell you that I shed a few quiet tears over the whole episode.
So with this story being told, How do I see the end of 2017? A lesson in blessing others through small acts. A lesson in humility to give someone else the opportunity to be a blessing and receive a blessing... A lesson in taking a moment to see the world around you in a different way if just for a moment.
So how will I start out 2018? Looking for the moment God wants to use ME to pay that small act of kindness forward as I promised that young man I would. Looking for the moment that someone else might be able to see God IN me. In 2018, may there be less of ME in the way so that there can be more of GOD!!!!!!
Today started differently, quietly, peacefully, only one minor crisis before church. That taken care of and I was only 15 minutes late. What a wonderful time we had in Bible Study, Church service and sermon were wonderful and thought provoking. A trip to Walmart was next that proved a little Iffy, if you know what I mean. Next, a quick trip to Las Cruces to deliver something that belonged to someone else, a quick stop at my aunt and uncles house to wish them Happy New Year and the road home for the evening.
Not that any of this really matters to the important part of my story, but here it is..... We decided that French toast sounded pretty wonderful so IHop it was. Dinner started out by ordering brioche French toast that they were out of, and having to go check and see if they still had any of the cheesecake stuffed French Toast left as their new promotion starts tomorrow. Our waiter came back, told me I could get my order of the cheesecake and that they could make the bananas foster French toast out of regular French toast.... Life was good again. Then he came back again and told us that the Owner had found some brioche so the other two were getting their first order as well. Our food came, we ate, it was good.....
THEN.........A young man who was sitting alone stood up and came over to our table. He asked if we were out for the New Year and were we doing anything else this evening or was "this" it. We assured him that from here we were calling it a night and going home. He then begins to tell us that he wants to end his year on a good note and do something nice. He wanted to know if it would be all right with us if he paid for our dinner. Stop action..........
What do you do in a moment like that? How do you respond? We were perfectly capable of paying for our own meal. He is obviously an airman sitting alone on a holiday evening, shouldn't WE be paying for HIS meal? Is he up for adoption? But then, a little voice somewhere says, he wants to do this. Don't take his blessing away from him. Ok, I wont, but looking up at this young man and telling him we would be honored if he paid for our meal was probably one of the harder things I have done lately. It some how took a whole LOT of humility to say what I said. I knew it was the right thing to do but wow..... After we got in the car and were on our way home, and we were talking about it, we all three agreed that having never had something like that happen before none of us were sure how to react in the moment.
Start action.........
Before we got home, I can tell you that I shed a few quiet tears over the whole episode.
So with this story being told, How do I see the end of 2017? A lesson in blessing others through small acts. A lesson in humility to give someone else the opportunity to be a blessing and receive a blessing... A lesson in taking a moment to see the world around you in a different way if just for a moment.
So how will I start out 2018? Looking for the moment God wants to use ME to pay that small act of kindness forward as I promised that young man I would. Looking for the moment that someone else might be able to see God IN me. In 2018, may there be less of ME in the way so that there can be more of GOD!!!!!!
Sunday, August 6, 2017
I really dont have a good title at the moment but here goes
Something
has been rattling around in the back of my head for a while now. Thanks
to a late night sermon, some deep thought on the subject, the words of an old
friend that I have totally lost touch with and wish I knew where she was and
some more words of "My Dear Ole Daddy' I think I can express it
now. Topic: Feeling Sorry For Myself. Side bar ( It needs to
be understood that either my dad gave me a great compass to steer through the
shoals of life, or he really messed me up, it depends on who you talk to)
Someone
said something to me a while ago , “Everyone has pity parties from time to time so
its ok, isn’t it?” My immediate reaction
was *I DON’T* I don’t ever get the chance because yeah, there is always someone
around me having one that I have to carry their back pack while they do.
My response to that question has really
bothered me but I couldn’t put my finger on why. Well, Other than the obvious, well THERE is a
pity party right now… even if you kept it in your own head.
Then
this morning as I stood over a sink full of dirty dishes that I didn’t create,
it came to me.
Sure,
I guess I do have periods of time that I feel sorry for myself, like this past
week or so when I have had to maneuver all of life with my foot in this stupid
boot with people giving me the helpful advise of just take care of YOU…….and
all I could think was I AM taking care of myself, but at a time like this shouldn’t
someone ELSE be taking care of me?
Hummmm pity party alert……..(and the truth is, that if I really look
around, just because it isn’t what I WANT at the moment, or the WAY I want it, doesn’t
mean people aren’t doing what they think is best to take care of me) WHAT?
Could the answer be, ITS NOT ABOUT ME?
Then
this morning it came to me, I could hear his voice as plain as day, the words of my father. “You know, when you are having trouble, the
truth is, 90% of those around you honestly don’t really CARE..and the other 10%
are GLAD you are having problems, so you might as well just shut up, try to
smile and put one foot in front of the
other and keep on going.”
Which
brought me to the late night sermon:
Want to live drama free?
His
main point I believe was: This life is
NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!! If you want to BE
important, find something important to do, and do it, and keep doing it then
you will BECOME important and you will encounter OTHER important people, doing
important things.
Which
brings me to the words of an old friend (Linda Cruz, I still love and miss you)
where ever you are…….I hear the mother ship finally called you home!!!!! If you are feeling down, find someone who
needs something, and do something for that person, in secret if you can. Then you cannot boast to anyone about how
good YOU are for helping that person. Because you know what? This life is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!! And every time I have found myself in that
position and I found a way to play “silent benefactor” I realized her words
were true and wise.
And
the last part of this thought: What we
used to refer to as “the Golden Rule” says Do unto others as you would have
them do unto you. It doesn’t say Tell
others how you want them to do unto you, and then complain until they do it the
way you want it done. It doesn’t say, Don’t
do anything for anyone else until they are doing unto you the way you see fit. It doesn’t say Do unto others BEFORE they do
unto you and then get yours and run….. it doesn’t even say Stare at others
until they understand that you have things that are not being taken care of and
they should KNOW that they are responsible for your happiness and then when YOU
are happy, you might consider doing something for them, well if you don’t forget
cause you know, you are happy now and moving on to the next thing in your
life. It SAYS TREAT Other People and DO
FOR PEOPLE like you WISH people would treat you and would do for you. End of
sentence, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, its about serving others here.
The answer then is, I DO have periods of time that I'm down, I feel "put upon and walked over in the search of something/someone more exciting and fun, drug through a knot hole backwards (what ever THAT old statement really means) and just really out of sorts and feeling sorry that the people I care about don't notice what "sacrifices" I have made for them to be happy, healthy and get what they want out of life and they in turn reciprocate to make one of my few and far between dreams closer to reality. But my deep down EVERY day hope REALLY IS that no one knows I feel that way in that moment, because it really IS just a moment in time and tomorrow I would really hate to have hurt them by making them feel that just being in my life wasn't enough. That I hold anyone else responsible for my happiness and contentment in life. That any of this life is about ME.
The answer then is, I DO have periods of time that I'm down, I feel "put upon and walked over in the search of something/someone more exciting and fun, drug through a knot hole backwards (what ever THAT old statement really means) and just really out of sorts and feeling sorry that the people I care about don't notice what "sacrifices" I have made for them to be happy, healthy and get what they want out of life and they in turn reciprocate to make one of my few and far between dreams closer to reality. But my deep down EVERY day hope REALLY IS that no one knows I feel that way in that moment, because it really IS just a moment in time and tomorrow I would really hate to have hurt them by making them feel that just being in my life wasn't enough. That I hold anyone else responsible for my happiness and contentment in life. That any of this life is about ME.
So
here I am, Silent Sunday morning…. With only the noise of my constant
companions chewing on bones, I march on… bare foot, BOOT FOOT, bare foot, BOOT
FOOT, bare foot, BOOT FOOT through the day to care for the needs of those I see
around me in returning peace and contentment or at least pretended peace and
contentment until the real thing shows up.
The dishes are done, the laundry is started, I have had my first cup of
coffee while I wrote this and am off for another. Now I will take a few minutes to sit in my
yummy smelling “bat cave” read a little while I drink cup two of the first of
several pots today figure out what my next task for the day will be.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Bucket Lists, Living the Dream, Life is short.......
Thoughts weigh heavily on my mind today.
Maybe its several conversations that happened today all combined but what ever it is, I'm feeling a little out of sorts tonight.
The only answer I have for anyone is Quit.
You can't live this miserable.
You can't live this uncertain.
I think it has to matter, but maybe it doesn't.
If its this bad and this heavy, this untenable.........Walk away.
What is it that I have heard? "I was looking for a job when I found this one?"
Everyone should get to live your dreams!
What is life about if you don't?
I did everything I was SUPPOSED to do.. now I should get to do what I WANT to do.
BUT THEY SAID!! and now they aren't.....
All I can say is..... Good night, maybe it will look better in the morning.. but if it doesn't????????
Find a new path.
Maybe its several conversations that happened today all combined but what ever it is, I'm feeling a little out of sorts tonight.
The only answer I have for anyone is Quit.
You can't live this miserable.
You can't live this uncertain.
I think it has to matter, but maybe it doesn't.
If its this bad and this heavy, this untenable.........Walk away.
What is it that I have heard? "I was looking for a job when I found this one?"
Everyone should get to live your dreams!
What is life about if you don't?
I did everything I was SUPPOSED to do.. now I should get to do what I WANT to do.
BUT THEY SAID!! and now they aren't.....
All I can say is..... Good night, maybe it will look better in the morning.. but if it doesn't????????
Find a new path.
Sunday, May 1, 2016
Better...... or Better
My morning started out with a phrase that caught my eye, or rather my ear.
I was watching a segment of the CBS Sunday Morning show where they were doing a story about Outpost Keating in Afghanistan. Battle of Kadesh . One of the comments made was that they couldn't control the situation they were in or many other things, but they had written on a wall, It Doesn't Get Better.
9*
In light of some things I am trying to implement in my own daily life, this made me think. What that statement means all depends on how you say it. It DOESNT get better. Meaning just give up and accept where you are at. Survive, don't expect anything more than that. It doesn't get BETTER. Wow, Life is great and cant get any better than this. There are also several levels in between those two statements, in my mind. It seems to me that any way you put that group of words, what happens to you is all dependent on the world around you, the people around you, and the events around you. Things are going well, it doesn't get any BETTER. You loose someone, something, things aren't going your way...... It DOESNT get any better. This is it, its all there is. But what if it ISNT?
What if it depends on how each of us CHOOSES to see the things in life. It doesn't get better and it isn't going to so give up... or take each day as the best day in the world no matter WHAT is happening in your environment.
There is a man who has been crippled for 38 years laying on a mat beside the pool. This pool is notorious for being a healing pool. Jesus sees the man, and goes over to him and asks him (in the NIV version) "Do you want to be healed?" Again, we don't have inflection or facial expressions to go with this.. but try it on for size different ways.. DO you want to be healed? Do YOU want to be healed? Do you WANT to be healed? Do you want to be HEALED? Does a different inflection change the meaning ever so slightly of this sentence? Maybe it does.
But how does this man answer the question? He doesn't give Jesus a yes or no answer, he gives Jesus all the reasons that healing has not happened for him. He hasn't been healed because he doesn't have any people with him to put him in the water at the right moment. The other people who can move better are faster and get there before he can. Its not his fault he hasn't been healed yet, its other peoples. Can you just see Jesus stare at him and tell hi so get up and take your mat and walk. So, he does. Soon some of the leaders ask him how it is that he is carrying his mat around with him when he should KNOW that it is against church law on the Sabbath... His answer to those men is "HE TOLD ME TO!!!!!" Not, hey, I haven't taken a step by myself in 38 years when this guy came and told me to get up and walk and take my mat home with me. So, before long he does go to the temple, because, remember it IS the Sabbath and he should be there and all. Jesus comes along and "finds him there" Jesus tells him You are healed, so don't go sin anymore or something worse might happen to you. (Worse than not being able to more by yourself for 38 years? Interesting) Then our cripple's part in this story ends with him racing off to tell "the powers that be" his name was Jesus!!! That's the guy who told me to break the law. I only did it because he told me to. If he hadn't healed me I wouldn't have been able to. I had no control over the situation.
So how interesting to me it was to have these two questions brought up to me in the same day.
It doesn't get better!........... Do you want to get better?
How about, it doesn't get better unless I want to get better, and I have to take an active part in getting better to get better?
This covers so many areas. Personally, I want to get better at what I am doing in my business, with organizing my world and being truly effective each and every day, so that I can honor those who came before me and leave a legacy of effective living to those coming behind me.
I understand that there are things that happen to us that we honestly have no control over, illness that debilitates us or is even life threatening. We can want to get better very badly and sometimes that is just not going to happen, however, I'm going to get better maybe in that case is just about how we treat the people around us no matter how we feel. Maybe its just about looking for the good things in life and seeing what kind of a legacy we can and should leave behind. Everyone has areas in their life that could be improved. Some of us have sustained great loss. There are emotions that must be dealt with, disappointment, guilt, anger, insecurity, pride. Butt some point, the question is, Do I want to get better? Or It doesn't get better. Which will it be?
It Doesn't Get Better.
I was watching a segment of the CBS Sunday Morning show where they were doing a story about Outpost Keating in Afghanistan. Battle of Kadesh . One of the comments made was that they couldn't control the situation they were in or many other things, but they had written on a wall, It Doesn't Get Better.
9*
In light of some things I am trying to implement in my own daily life, this made me think. What that statement means all depends on how you say it. It DOESNT get better. Meaning just give up and accept where you are at. Survive, don't expect anything more than that. It doesn't get BETTER. Wow, Life is great and cant get any better than this. There are also several levels in between those two statements, in my mind. It seems to me that any way you put that group of words, what happens to you is all dependent on the world around you, the people around you, and the events around you. Things are going well, it doesn't get any BETTER. You loose someone, something, things aren't going your way...... It DOESNT get any better. This is it, its all there is. But what if it ISNT?
What if it depends on how each of us CHOOSES to see the things in life. It doesn't get better and it isn't going to so give up... or take each day as the best day in the world no matter WHAT is happening in your environment.
Do you WANT to be healed?
Then, I go to church and our sermon of the day comes from John 5: 1-9. Man at the Sheep Gate PoolThere is a man who has been crippled for 38 years laying on a mat beside the pool. This pool is notorious for being a healing pool. Jesus sees the man, and goes over to him and asks him (in the NIV version) "Do you want to be healed?" Again, we don't have inflection or facial expressions to go with this.. but try it on for size different ways.. DO you want to be healed? Do YOU want to be healed? Do you WANT to be healed? Do you want to be HEALED? Does a different inflection change the meaning ever so slightly of this sentence? Maybe it does.
But how does this man answer the question? He doesn't give Jesus a yes or no answer, he gives Jesus all the reasons that healing has not happened for him. He hasn't been healed because he doesn't have any people with him to put him in the water at the right moment. The other people who can move better are faster and get there before he can. Its not his fault he hasn't been healed yet, its other peoples. Can you just see Jesus stare at him and tell hi so get up and take your mat and walk. So, he does. Soon some of the leaders ask him how it is that he is carrying his mat around with him when he should KNOW that it is against church law on the Sabbath... His answer to those men is "HE TOLD ME TO!!!!!" Not, hey, I haven't taken a step by myself in 38 years when this guy came and told me to get up and walk and take my mat home with me. So, before long he does go to the temple, because, remember it IS the Sabbath and he should be there and all. Jesus comes along and "finds him there" Jesus tells him You are healed, so don't go sin anymore or something worse might happen to you. (Worse than not being able to more by yourself for 38 years? Interesting) Then our cripple's part in this story ends with him racing off to tell "the powers that be" his name was Jesus!!! That's the guy who told me to break the law. I only did it because he told me to. If he hadn't healed me I wouldn't have been able to. I had no control over the situation.
So how interesting to me it was to have these two questions brought up to me in the same day.
It doesn't get better!........... Do you want to get better?
How about, it doesn't get better unless I want to get better, and I have to take an active part in getting better to get better?
This covers so many areas. Personally, I want to get better at what I am doing in my business, with organizing my world and being truly effective each and every day, so that I can honor those who came before me and leave a legacy of effective living to those coming behind me.
I understand that there are things that happen to us that we honestly have no control over, illness that debilitates us or is even life threatening. We can want to get better very badly and sometimes that is just not going to happen, however, I'm going to get better maybe in that case is just about how we treat the people around us no matter how we feel. Maybe its just about looking for the good things in life and seeing what kind of a legacy we can and should leave behind. Everyone has areas in their life that could be improved. Some of us have sustained great loss. There are emotions that must be dealt with, disappointment, guilt, anger, insecurity, pride. Butt some point, the question is, Do I want to get better? Or It doesn't get better. Which will it be?
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Practice what you Preach
I'm not sure if I am the only one to feel this way, but some days there are just things that happen that are challenging. When you have a day that several of those things happen in a short period of time, it tends to make you think.
What I think tonight is that when you are faced with BIG challenges in life, you know the ones that are just Black Or White, its pretty easy to take a stand and believe what you believe. Ask most people what they believe to be their truth about abortion, for instance. Generally speaking the answer is going to boil down to "for it" or "against it". How about going to jail for committing a crime?Even when the topic is much grayer. Its pretty easy to have a general stance. Take being in this country with out permission. Is it Undocumented Immigration, Illegal Immigration or just Open the Doors and let em all in immigration.
Pick any number of other issues that are out there in the middle of society. We really are called every single day to take a stand on "the issues of our day".
But then there are other things that are much more private. Like each of our personal level of spirituality. So many choices out there in the cosmos. So many reasons for each persons belief system.
Today, I have been involved in three or four what I will call "challenging issues of the world close around me", none of which I feel at liberty to give details about tonight. What I can and will say is that each of those issues has challenged me today to examine my inner self. Do I REALLY believe what I say I believe? Do I really MODEL what I say I believe to the world around me? Can I really practice what I say I believe and TRULY MEAN IT?
For ME, Spirituality means a belief in the Saving Grace of the Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Belief that a higher power called GOD is in charge of the world down to the most minute detail and DOES care about even the sparrow and the blades of grass, so must care about me even so much more. For me, that spirituality means a deep abiding belief that that same God is in charge of every single moment of every single day of every single person on this planet. He knows our days and He knows every single hair on our heads and has ONLY the best in mind for each of us if we accept that best. Most of all, He knows what has come before, what is now and what is to come and is right here by my side through it all.
For me, in this day called today, as each of these events and conversations that have taken place I have been challenged to think, are those words above TRULY What I do believe? Can I really say with confidence that NO MATTER what happens I believe that God is in charge and will care for me and those around me that also love Him?
Some days are more of a struggle than others, but even today, I HAVE to believe, If I didn't, what would be left.
The Bible also tells me to not take on Tomorrows worries before their time as today has enough of its own. That is easier said than done some times.
In times of trouble, I have always tended to close in on myself. I think that is probably because I learned to do that when I was 2. The thing is, even when I appear to withdraw into myself, I am really not, I don't think. I think I have finally realized that I am hiding under The Rock, from where my strength comes each and every day.
There are those out there who think that people who share my belief system are weak and feel the need to have a crutch. To those people I say, You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!! I am weak, and make mistakes, and need a crutch to lean on. That Crutch is the only thing that gets me out of bed some mornings. If YOU don't have that crutch, I cant help but wonder how you do it.
So not to make anything that has gone on today about me in any way, because it is not, I just try to figure out why I act and react the way I do in any given situation. And while nothing in this is about me at all, I know that My God, will hold me up so that I can help hold up others who have needs far greater than mine.
Enough preaching for one day.............. time to go practice it.
What I think tonight is that when you are faced with BIG challenges in life, you know the ones that are just Black Or White, its pretty easy to take a stand and believe what you believe. Ask most people what they believe to be their truth about abortion, for instance. Generally speaking the answer is going to boil down to "for it" or "against it". How about going to jail for committing a crime?Even when the topic is much grayer. Its pretty easy to have a general stance. Take being in this country with out permission. Is it Undocumented Immigration, Illegal Immigration or just Open the Doors and let em all in immigration.
Pick any number of other issues that are out there in the middle of society. We really are called every single day to take a stand on "the issues of our day".
But then there are other things that are much more private. Like each of our personal level of spirituality. So many choices out there in the cosmos. So many reasons for each persons belief system.
Today, I have been involved in three or four what I will call "challenging issues of the world close around me", none of which I feel at liberty to give details about tonight. What I can and will say is that each of those issues has challenged me today to examine my inner self. Do I REALLY believe what I say I believe? Do I really MODEL what I say I believe to the world around me? Can I really practice what I say I believe and TRULY MEAN IT?
For ME, Spirituality means a belief in the Saving Grace of the Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Belief that a higher power called GOD is in charge of the world down to the most minute detail and DOES care about even the sparrow and the blades of grass, so must care about me even so much more. For me, that spirituality means a deep abiding belief that that same God is in charge of every single moment of every single day of every single person on this planet. He knows our days and He knows every single hair on our heads and has ONLY the best in mind for each of us if we accept that best. Most of all, He knows what has come before, what is now and what is to come and is right here by my side through it all.
For me, in this day called today, as each of these events and conversations that have taken place I have been challenged to think, are those words above TRULY What I do believe? Can I really say with confidence that NO MATTER what happens I believe that God is in charge and will care for me and those around me that also love Him?
Some days are more of a struggle than others, but even today, I HAVE to believe, If I didn't, what would be left.
The Bible also tells me to not take on Tomorrows worries before their time as today has enough of its own. That is easier said than done some times.
In times of trouble, I have always tended to close in on myself. I think that is probably because I learned to do that when I was 2. The thing is, even when I appear to withdraw into myself, I am really not, I don't think. I think I have finally realized that I am hiding under The Rock, from where my strength comes each and every day.
There are those out there who think that people who share my belief system are weak and feel the need to have a crutch. To those people I say, You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!! I am weak, and make mistakes, and need a crutch to lean on. That Crutch is the only thing that gets me out of bed some mornings. If YOU don't have that crutch, I cant help but wonder how you do it.
So not to make anything that has gone on today about me in any way, because it is not, I just try to figure out why I act and react the way I do in any given situation. And while nothing in this is about me at all, I know that My God, will hold me up so that I can help hold up others who have needs far greater than mine.
Enough preaching for one day.............. time to go practice it.
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