Sunday, August 6, 2017

I really dont have a good title at the moment but here goes

Something has been rattling around in the back of my head for a while now.  Thanks to a late night sermon, some deep thought on the subject, the words of an old friend that I have totally lost touch with and wish I knew where she was and some more words of "My Dear Ole Daddy'  I think I can express it now.  Topic:  Feeling Sorry For Myself.  Side bar ( It needs to be understood that either my dad gave me a great compass to steer through the shoals of life, or he really messed me up, it depends on who you talk to)

Someone said something to me a while ago , “Everyone has pity parties from time to time so its ok, isn’t it?”  My immediate reaction was *I DON’T* I don’t ever get the chance because yeah, there is always someone around me having one that I have to carry their back pack while they do.

 My response to that question has really bothered me but I couldn’t put my finger on why.  Well, Other than the obvious, well THERE is a pity party right now… even if you kept it in your own head. 

Then this morning as I stood over a sink full of dirty dishes that I didn’t create, it came to me. 

Sure, I guess I do have periods of time that I feel sorry for myself, like this past week or so when I have had to maneuver all of life with my foot in this stupid boot with people giving me the helpful advise of just take care of YOU…….and all I could think was I AM taking care of myself, but at a time like this shouldn’t someone ELSE be taking care of me?  Hummmm pity party alert……..(and the truth is, that if I really look around, just because it isn’t what I WANT at the moment, or the WAY I want it, doesn’t mean people aren’t doing what they think is best to take care of me)  WHAT?  Could the answer be, ITS NOT ABOUT ME?  

Then this morning it came to me, I could hear his voice as plain as day,  the words of my father.  “You know, when you are having trouble, the truth is, 90% of those around you honestly don’t really CARE..and the other 10% are GLAD you are having problems, so you might as well just shut up, try to smile and  put one foot in front of the other and keep on going.”

Which brought me to the late night sermon:  Want to live drama free?

His main point I believe was:  This life is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!   If you want to BE important, find something important to do, and do it, and keep doing it then you will BECOME important and you will encounter OTHER important people, doing important things. 

Which brings me to the words of an old friend (Linda Cruz, I still love and miss you) where ever you are…….I hear the mother ship finally called you home!!!!!   If you are feeling down, find someone who needs something, and do something for that person, in secret if you can.  Then you cannot boast to anyone about how good YOU are for helping that person. Because you know what?  This life is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!  And every time I have found myself in that position and I found a way to play “silent benefactor” I realized her words were true and wise.

And the last part of this thought:  What we used to refer to as “the Golden Rule” says Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  It doesn’t say Tell others how you want them to do unto you, and then complain until they do it the way you want it done.  It doesn’t say, Don’t do anything for anyone else until they are doing unto you the way you see fit.  It doesn’t say Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you and then get yours and run….. it doesn’t even say Stare at others until they understand that you have things that are not being taken care of and they should KNOW that they are responsible for your happiness and then when YOU are happy, you might consider doing something for them, well if you don’t forget cause you know, you are happy now and moving on to the next thing in your life.  It SAYS TREAT Other People and DO FOR PEOPLE like you WISH people would treat you and would do for you. End of sentence, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, its about serving others here. 

The answer then is, I DO have periods of time that I'm down, I feel "put upon and walked over in the search of something/someone more exciting and fun, drug through a knot hole backwards (what ever THAT old statement really means) and just really out of sorts and feeling sorry that the people I care about don't notice what "sacrifices" I have made for them to be happy, healthy and get what they want out of life and they in turn reciprocate to make one of my few and far between dreams closer to reality.  But my deep down EVERY day hope REALLY IS that no one knows I feel that way in that moment, because it really IS just a moment in time and tomorrow I would really hate to have hurt them by making them feel that just being in my life wasn't enough.  That I hold anyone else responsible for my happiness and contentment in life. That any of this life is about ME. 

So here I am, Silent Sunday morning…. With only the noise of my constant companions chewing on bones, I march on… bare foot, BOOT FOOT, bare foot, BOOT FOOT, bare foot, BOOT FOOT through the day to care for the needs of those I see around me in returning peace and contentment or at least pretended peace and contentment until the real thing shows up.  The dishes are done, the laundry is started, I have had my first cup of coffee while I wrote this and am off for another.  Now I will take a few minutes to sit in my yummy smelling “bat cave” read a little while I drink cup two of the first of several pots today figure out what my next task for the day will be.