Friends

     As I look back over my life, I find that I am not good at making friends.  I have always been more of a loner than I have been a joiner.  Lets start with everyone knowing that.

 

     Now this thought process began from a conversation that my husband and I were having a few minutes ago.  He is approaching retirement and as this is a very scary proposition for me from ways that most people don't understand, this is a conversation for another time.  But, as we discussed this I was trying to find some common ground and be able to support him in is concerns.  I was telling him about how I felt when I quit teaching about the idea of handing my keys in.  I had done it before when I changed schools and moved around programs, but the last time I knew that it was for the last time, for ever.  It was a little weird for sure.  He made the comment that me quitting teaching was his fault as well.  This lead me to several other places in my head but the short version of the story is that it lead me to my friends over the years. 

 

     I am very glad, I see now, to see how my husband is being deliberate in his setting up a situation to maintain the friendships of the people he is friends with through work. 

 

     I have not ever done that in my life when chapters came to a close and I realize now that ever "group" of friends that I have pretty much ever had were friends, because of the situation I was in at the time.  During high school, I was friends with other people on the speech and debate team.  In college I was friends with my room mates and suite-mates,  because they were there.  Every place I taught school I had a built in group of friends that came with the job.  When I changed schools I had a new group of friends waiting for me.  When I quit teaching and we moved up the mountain and we had no phone and little time to drive up and down the mountain, I soon realized all of those people had quickly moved on.  

 

     Making friends in a very small town proved to be very difficult for me as most of the women my age had children in middle school or high school and had a great amount of free time on their hands and I still had small children at home. Those who had small children were very much younger than I was and had much different interests I life. I did, however, have a circle of friends who's children were involved in the same activities that my kids were involved in.   I  did, finally, find a friend who had children the same age as most of my kids.  We went everywhere together.  By the time most of our kids were grown, our paths went in different directions.  It isn't that we aren't still friends but that is the only thing we really have in common anymore. 

 

     I have settled in to a world that I have a LOT of people on the edges of my life but none that "come with the job", so to say. 

 

     What has been consistent in my life is my family.  My husband and my kids. Those are the friends I care about and the people I want to watch do the things that make them happy.  For me, I guess I have come to realize is that friendship is.... a spectator sport. 

Garden 2013 so far.

I cannot believe that my parsley, sage, rosemary and...............CHIVES  weathered the winter.

(You KNOW that song is stuck in your head for the rest of the day. 

Just add a little water and I have herbs ready to pick. 

Now, for the next picture, we had this home built shelf unit out in the workshop behind our store that came out to make room for some more "up to date" kind of storage.  I grabbed it before they could dismantle it and throw the "old rotten lumber" away.  It is now my "square foot garden like raised bed"  So far I have one type of lettuce, some spinach, 2 kinds of thyme.. (yep there is where the thyme is at, songs back isn't it) my absolute favorite herb...basil growing and I have planted kale and swis chard in the 2 bigger spaces as well that is starting to come up!!!!

This weekend oregano, chocolate mint, and several other things will get planted and will keep adding until it is filled up.

 

 My other raised beds are slowly coming together as well, here you see broccoli, and collard greens, one green bell pepper that I think froze the other night and some yellow squash that Im not sure if is going to make it after the wind storm we had. 
 This weekend the "wind/sun breaks get put up and I cant wait to share pictures of that when I get done

 2 tomato plants

 This is one more tomato and then the potatoes that came up from last year when I didn't get any.
The next picture is of the new things we bought asparagus, chocolate mint, oregano, okra and ummmm something else that is there.

Today I got the things in the flat planted in the ground and got seeds in for pole beans, beets, radishes, and 2 more kinds of greens for salads.  Oh and besides the 3 okra plants I planted more seeds as well.  Cant wait to start harvesting.  I need to also get some squash type plants in.  What a great day.  I will add pictures of the wind breaks when I can get them up.

Changing Patterns

So, what do you do when you figure out that certain habits are detrimental to your wellbeing, but they are so ingrained that you don't see things happening until after the situation is over?  I'm about to find out. 

I am, what the doctor who delivered all 4 of my kids labeled me,  "the family hero".  This means that I feel like I am the caretaker and fixer of all things in my world. 

The problem I have is that somewhere deep inside, thanks to being a teacher for many years, and a homeschooling mom, and deeply concerned for not only those around me, but also for my fellow man and the world around me,  I feel like I have to have an answer for everything.  Even if I don't really KNOW the answer, when confronted with a situation that is concerning those around me, words just come out my mouth to try to make it better. 

It isn't exactly about me being a "know it all" as I don't try to tell everyone else what they should do or pretend to know about things I don't really know about.  Its more of a desire to understand and help a person through what ever situation they are in or to explain what's happening to try to keep the peace around me.  I have this very deep-seated need to see as many sides to a situation as I can to better understand and formulate a plan. 

Example,  One of my kids gets annoyed with something that another of my kids did and talks to me about it.  I feel driven to explain the behavior or situation so that the annoyed one will not be upset anymore. 

Example:  When something is going on in the world that is confusing, Why does that person think that that legislation is helpful?  I try mentally to put myself there to think it through and understand.

There are many other examples I could give but wont because that isn't my point at the moment.  My point is that I need to change this habit. It is proving to be detrimental to not only myself, but to others around me and is not furthering the cause in any way.  I have come to understand that all I am doing is making up excuses for other peoples thoughts and behaviors from information I generally don't have to make decisions from.  I want to change this behavior to remember that I don't HAVE to have an answer for everything.  Its ok. 

Here's the catch, however; I have no idea how to stop doing this and just shut up.  I thought for a while that I could find a way to catch myself doing this and just keep the words in my head.  After all, I have spent a lot of time trying to teach my children, "just because there are words in your head, does not mean in any way that they need to come out your mouth"  Seems that has not applied to me.

The new habit I need to learn is to simply be quiet and no matter how expectantly a person looks at me, I simply say something like "Oh".  And just stop there. 

My mouth has always gotten me in trouble and I try to remember that the Bible tells us over and over that the tongue is a huge problem.  There is an old saying that came from somewhere that goes something like "Today, God, send my guardian angel to stand beside me, with is arm around me and his hand over my mouth"  I believe that is going to be my prayer request each day when I wake up. 

Sigh.

My Grandmother used to have a saying.  She used this saying at times when she was very down and life was just getting to her.  She used to say " I want to find a hole to climb in and pull the dirt in over me.  I had not thought about that saying in years until something happened yesterday to remind me of it. 

I have been told at various times in my life that I "overthink" things.  I am very sure that is a true statement, I do.  But few of those people understand WHY I over think. 

One day when my son S. was only 6 years old and in first grade, I had had ANOTHER call from his teacher in the first 3 weeks of school.   I was trying to figure out what was actually going on in his class.  I asked him, trying to phrase things in a way my 6 year old could understand, is part of the problem that you think about things during class that aren't what you are supposed to be doing?  his answer to me was, "Yes mom, I guess I think about things that no one else is interested in and sometimes, my brain thinks so much that it totally isolates me." 

Hummmm I wonder where he gets THAT from?


There was another time when I was asked why I was just sitting there, doing nothing instead of being part of the surrounding action.  At that point, my answer was... if I sit here and do nothing and say nothing and think nothing.... I have a 50% chance of doing it right.

So, if I crawl in a hole, pull a blanket in over my head, stop thinking I know what I'm doing and do otherwise nothing, say nothing.... I might not be self  centered, or would that just make me more so?  Cause yeah, I don't do anything for the sake of those around me NOW.  

Stardate 3/19/2013 What Now?

Hurray for me!!!!! Day two I am up at 4:30 and off to business. I have stayed busier than yesterday so I am only on my third cup of coffee. I am however moving more slowly than I had hoped I would. While planning to spend 10 minutes per room today to begin the straightening and decluttering process, I ended up spending 20 minutes each in the livingroom and diningroom, I also had to spend a little more than the 5 minute wipedown that I had planned for there. The good thing is that all of those rooms look almost decent at the moment. I see a great deal more to do when I walk in the room but I'm sure that most other people wouldn't see the things I see.
I also have finished loading the dishwasher and started it running, put a load of clothes in to wash, which is now in the dryer with the 2nd load in the washer. Also, in the oven is a loaf of banana walnut bread for a treat today. I have NOT done well at getting food in the family in the early morning so the bananas were going bad and had to go somewhere fast. Banana bread it is!!!!

I have gathered 2 bags of trash so far today to head for the dumpster. I cannot figure out how to cut the trash among this group but I feel very responsible for filling an entire land fill from my home and business alone.

I still have another 10 minutes to spend in the kitchen which should cover unloading the dishwasher and putting the things I have used this morning in it. I plan to spend 10 minutes in the master bath and 10 more minutes in the master bedroom, as well.

Right now I had to sit down for a few minutes. While my knee down to my ankle is somewhat sore from my fall yesterday, as long as I stay on it oddly enough, it doesnt hurt that much. My shoulder and neck are a different story however. I have done a lot of laundry and folding in the last 3 days plus the things I have done over my head so they feel pretty tender at the moment and probably adding in the fall I am having to take moving my left arm very slowly.

I am going to use this time to listen to one of my Old Testament lessons for about 30 minutes then back at it till time to leave for work.

I am also spending time honestly asking myself why I am doing each of the things I am doing and what my motive is. I honestly believe that my motives are what I think they are but I am having to rethink somethings to make sure. This makes each task take longer at the moment as well.

My lecture series that I am watching are quite honestly for me. The natural healing one is for all of us because its my job to feed and nurse my family and I want to know as much as possible for future events in the world that could cause my to be the family doctor for sure. No one else needs to be as excited about this learning as I am because it is one of those behind the scenes things that goes un noticed. But the Old Testament class is strictly because I love learing more about the Bible.

End of transmission for the moment.

New Direction: By me; for me.

Stardate:  3.18.2013.6am

   I still believe beyond doubt that no man is an island; however at this point, the direction of this blog will be changing.  As of today, this blog is focused by me for me to keep me on track. 

Monday, Up at 4:30 coffee on and washer and dryer started.  I have to continue on with the laundry that I was not able to complete over the weekend.  I have most of 3 loads folded and put away so far but I have run out of hangers so until the boys are up I cant finish hanging those things up.  I have the sheets off the bed in to wash since I had REALLY intended to have that done yesterday but did not get to it.  The exciting part is tonight will be clean sheet night.. No DOG HAIR....

I am also trying to break ozzy of the habit of getting up on the bed in the night.  That will help with the dog hair in the bed as well.  

The house continues to be a wreck but I have devised an idea this morning that I hope will help.  If I set the timer for even 10 minutes at a time, I can make somewhat of a difference in the house over time.  If I start front to back I can start while the coffee is "making" in the morning even if I forget to set the timer on the pot at night. 

4:40-4:50 Livingroom,
4:50-5:00 Diningroom
5:00-5:10 Kitchen
5:10-5:20 Laundry Room
5:20-5:40 Back bathroom
5:40-6:00 Master Bedroom

Somewhere after that I should be able to just run through the front bathroom to keep it going as well.  Today I will both mentally and physically prepare for this new pattern to be established.  I will also be "decluttering" during these 10 minute forays into organization. 

I am really hoping that doing this will free up my weekends to outside tasks:  Painting the outside of the house, Gardening, yard care, cleaning and organizing the garage and storage room. 


Now, add to the first list.  Sheets  through the washer, dryer and now on the bed.  That makes 4 loads that I have folded and put away for this day another load in the dryer driving, and the last load for the day in the washer.  Blueberry muffins baked and out of the oven, dishwasher loaded, dishes washed and unloaded.  Meat cooked to be ready for fajitas for dinner tonight.  I have to go to the store and get tortillas, guacamole, onions, sour cream and maybe something else, but not sure.

Now, I have an hour till time to leave for work so I believe I will start coffee, pot 2, have a cup of yogurt and a couple blueberry muffins and listen to a lesson on the Old Testament. 

Gentlemen in my house,  Today is Sunday July 8, 2012.  You have some tasks set before you. 

The one who is 15.  Your first  task is cleaning the front bathroom. 

Your second task is to dust all the furniture in the livingroom and dining room and sweep the floors. 

Your third task is to leave a floor to be seen in your bedroom before you go to camp.  What ever it takes to achieve this to MY satisfaction.   Or I will do it while you are gone. 


The two who live in the other bedroom.  Your task is to build this.  http://www.diynetwork.com/outdoors/8-easy-to-build-fire-pit-designs/pictures/index.html
decide what you will need to do this such as leveling a spot in the back yard where there will eventually be an awesome patio!!!

Your second task is to clean up the rest of the driveway, putting all the things where they belong so that vehicles can acutally be parked there. 

And your third task is to clean up the front yard as the instructions you were given last night.

I will be taking before and after pictures to post, and believe me, you dont what to know what your option for NOT doing these tasks will be for each of you.  Get on it, men!!!!