A lesson in Humility on New Years Eve

Yesterday, was a pretty awful day.  One of those days that everything was just "off", you know?  Have you had one lately?   But that is completely beside the point now.

Today started differently,  quietly, peacefully, only one minor crisis before church.  That taken care of and I was only 15 minutes late.  What a wonderful time we had in Bible Study,  Church service and sermon were wonderful and thought provoking.  A trip to Walmart was next that proved a little Iffy, if you know what I mean.  Next, a quick trip to Las Cruces to deliver something that belonged to someone else, a quick stop at my aunt and uncles house to wish them Happy New Year and the road home for the evening.

Not that any of this really matters to the important part of my story, but here it is..... We decided that French toast sounded pretty wonderful so IHop it was.  Dinner started out by ordering brioche French toast that they were out of, and having to go check and see if they still had any of the cheesecake stuffed French Toast left as their new promotion starts tomorrow.  Our waiter came back, told me I could get my order of the cheesecake and that they could make the bananas foster French toast out of regular French toast.... Life was good again.  Then he came back again and told us that the Owner had found some brioche so the other two were getting their first order as well.  Our food came, we ate, it was good.....
THEN.........A young man who was sitting alone stood up and came over to our table.  He asked if we were out for the New Year and were we doing anything else this evening or was "this" it.  We assured him that from here we were calling it a night and going home.  He then begins to tell us that he wants to end his year on a good note and do something nice.  He wanted to know if it would be all right with us if he paid for our dinner.  Stop action..........


What do you do in a moment like that?  How do you respond?  We were perfectly capable of paying for our own meal.  He is obviously an airman sitting alone on a holiday evening, shouldn't WE be paying for HIS meal?   Is he up for adoption?  But then, a little voice somewhere says, he wants to do this.  Don't take his blessing away from him.  Ok, I wont, but looking up at this young man and telling him we would be honored if he paid for our meal was probably one of the harder things I have done lately.  It some how took a whole LOT of humility to say what I said.   I knew it was the right thing to do but wow..... After we got in the car and were on our way home, and we were talking about it, we all three agreed that having never had something like that happen before none of us were sure how to react in the moment.

Start action.........
Before we got home, I can tell you that I shed a few quiet tears over the whole episode.

So with this story being told, How do I see the end of 2017?  A lesson in blessing others through small acts.  A lesson in humility to give someone else the opportunity to be a blessing and receive a blessing... A lesson in taking a moment to see the world around you in a different way if just for a moment.

So how will I start out 2018?  Looking for the moment God wants to use ME to pay that small act of kindness forward as I promised that young man I would.  Looking for the moment that someone else might be able to see God IN me.  In 2018, may there be less of ME in the way so that there can be more of GOD!!!!!!

I really dont have a good title at the moment but here goes

Something has been rattling around in the back of my head for a while now.  Thanks to a late night sermon, some deep thought on the subject, the words of an old friend that I have totally lost touch with and wish I knew where she was and some more words of "My Dear Ole Daddy'  I think I can express it now.  Topic:  Feeling Sorry For Myself.  Side bar ( It needs to be understood that either my dad gave me a great compass to steer through the shoals of life, or he really messed me up, it depends on who you talk to)

Someone said something to me a while ago , “Everyone has pity parties from time to time so its ok, isn’t it?”  My immediate reaction was *I DON’T* I don’t ever get the chance because yeah, there is always someone around me having one that I have to carry their back pack while they do.

 My response to that question has really bothered me but I couldn’t put my finger on why.  Well, Other than the obvious, well THERE is a pity party right now… even if you kept it in your own head. 

Then this morning as I stood over a sink full of dirty dishes that I didn’t create, it came to me. 

Sure, I guess I do have periods of time that I feel sorry for myself, like this past week or so when I have had to maneuver all of life with my foot in this stupid boot with people giving me the helpful advise of just take care of YOU…….and all I could think was I AM taking care of myself, but at a time like this shouldn’t someone ELSE be taking care of me?  Hummmm pity party alert……..(and the truth is, that if I really look around, just because it isn’t what I WANT at the moment, or the WAY I want it, doesn’t mean people aren’t doing what they think is best to take care of me)  WHAT?  Could the answer be, ITS NOT ABOUT ME?  

Then this morning it came to me, I could hear his voice as plain as day,  the words of my father.  “You know, when you are having trouble, the truth is, 90% of those around you honestly don’t really CARE..and the other 10% are GLAD you are having problems, so you might as well just shut up, try to smile and  put one foot in front of the other and keep on going.”

Which brought me to the late night sermon:  Want to live drama free?

His main point I believe was:  This life is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!   If you want to BE important, find something important to do, and do it, and keep doing it then you will BECOME important and you will encounter OTHER important people, doing important things. 

Which brings me to the words of an old friend (Linda Cruz, I still love and miss you) where ever you are…….I hear the mother ship finally called you home!!!!!   If you are feeling down, find someone who needs something, and do something for that person, in secret if you can.  Then you cannot boast to anyone about how good YOU are for helping that person. Because you know what?  This life is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!  And every time I have found myself in that position and I found a way to play “silent benefactor” I realized her words were true and wise.

And the last part of this thought:  What we used to refer to as “the Golden Rule” says Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  It doesn’t say Tell others how you want them to do unto you, and then complain until they do it the way you want it done.  It doesn’t say, Don’t do anything for anyone else until they are doing unto you the way you see fit.  It doesn’t say Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you and then get yours and run….. it doesn’t even say Stare at others until they understand that you have things that are not being taken care of and they should KNOW that they are responsible for your happiness and then when YOU are happy, you might consider doing something for them, well if you don’t forget cause you know, you are happy now and moving on to the next thing in your life.  It SAYS TREAT Other People and DO FOR PEOPLE like you WISH people would treat you and would do for you. End of sentence, ITS NOT ABOUT YOU, its about serving others here. 

The answer then is, I DO have periods of time that I'm down, I feel "put upon and walked over in the search of something/someone more exciting and fun, drug through a knot hole backwards (what ever THAT old statement really means) and just really out of sorts and feeling sorry that the people I care about don't notice what "sacrifices" I have made for them to be happy, healthy and get what they want out of life and they in turn reciprocate to make one of my few and far between dreams closer to reality.  But my deep down EVERY day hope REALLY IS that no one knows I feel that way in that moment, because it really IS just a moment in time and tomorrow I would really hate to have hurt them by making them feel that just being in my life wasn't enough.  That I hold anyone else responsible for my happiness and contentment in life. That any of this life is about ME. 

So here I am, Silent Sunday morning…. With only the noise of my constant companions chewing on bones, I march on… bare foot, BOOT FOOT, bare foot, BOOT FOOT, bare foot, BOOT FOOT through the day to care for the needs of those I see around me in returning peace and contentment or at least pretended peace and contentment until the real thing shows up.  The dishes are done, the laundry is started, I have had my first cup of coffee while I wrote this and am off for another.  Now I will take a few minutes to sit in my yummy smelling “bat cave” read a little while I drink cup two of the first of several pots today figure out what my next task for the day will be. 

Bucket Lists, Living the Dream, Life is short.......

Thoughts weigh heavily on my mind today. 
Maybe its several conversations that happened today all combined but what ever it is, I'm feeling a little out of sorts tonight.
The only answer I have for anyone is Quit.
You can't live this miserable. 
You can't live this uncertain. 
I think it has to matter, but maybe it doesn't. 
If its this bad and this heavy, this untenable.........Walk away. 
What is it that I have heard?  "I was looking for a job when I found this one?"
 Everyone should get to live your dreams! 
What is life about if you don't?
I did everything I was SUPPOSED to do.. now I should get to do what I WANT to do.  
BUT THEY SAID!! and now they aren't.....
All I can say is..... Good night, maybe it will look better in the morning.. but if it doesn't????????
Find a new path.

Better...... or Better

My morning started out with a phrase that caught my eye, or rather my ear. 

It Doesn't Get Better. 

I was watching a segment of the CBS Sunday Morning show where they were doing a story about Outpost Keating in Afghanistan. Battle of Kadesh .  One of the comments made was that they couldn't control the situation they were in or many other things, but they had written on a wall, It Doesn't Get Better. 
9*
In light of some things I am trying to implement in my own daily life, this made me think.  What that statement means all depends on how you say it.  It DOESNT get better.  Meaning just give up and accept where you are at.  Survive, don't expect anything more than that.  It doesn't get BETTER.  Wow, Life is great and cant get any better than this. There are also several levels in between those two statements, in my mind.  It seems to me that any way you put that group of words, what happens to you is all dependent on the world around you, the people around you, and the events around you.  Things are going well, it doesn't get any BETTER.  You loose someone, something, things aren't going your way...... It DOESNT get any better.   This is it, its all there is.  But what if it ISNT? 
What if it depends on how each of us CHOOSES to see the things in life.  It doesn't get better and it isn't going to so give up... or take each day as the best day in the world no matter WHAT is happening in your environment. 

Do you WANT to be healed?

Then, I go to church and our sermon of the day comes from John 5: 1-9.  Man at the Sheep Gate Pool


There is a man who has been crippled for 38 years laying on a mat beside the pool.  This pool is notorious for being a healing pool.  Jesus sees the man, and goes over to him and asks him (in the NIV version) "Do you want to be healed?"  Again, we don't have inflection or facial expressions to go with this.. but try it on for size different ways.. DO you want to be healed?  Do YOU want to be healed?   Do you WANT to be healed?  Do you want to be HEALED?  Does a different inflection change the meaning ever so slightly of this sentence?  Maybe it does. 

But how does this man answer the question?  He doesn't give Jesus a yes or no answer, he gives Jesus all the reasons that healing has not happened for him.  He hasn't been healed because he doesn't have any people with him to put him in the water at the right moment.  The other people who can move better are faster and get there before he can.  Its not his fault he hasn't been healed yet, its other peoples.  Can you just see Jesus stare at him and tell hi so get up and take your mat and walk.  So, he does.   Soon some of the leaders ask him how it is that he is carrying his mat around with him when he should KNOW that it is against church law on the Sabbath... His answer to those men is "HE TOLD ME TO!!!!!"   Not, hey, I haven't taken a step by myself in 38 years when this guy came and told me to get up and walk and take my mat home with me.  So, before long he does go to the temple, because, remember it IS the Sabbath and he should be there and all.  Jesus comes along and "finds him there"  Jesus tells him You are healed, so don't go sin anymore or something worse might happen to you.  (Worse than not being able to more by yourself for 38 years? Interesting)  Then our cripple's part in this story ends with him racing off to tell "the powers that be"  his name was Jesus!!! That's the guy who told me to break the law.  I only did it because he told me to. If he hadn't healed me I wouldn't have been able to.   I had no control over the situation.

So how interesting to me it was to have these two questions brought up to me in the same day. 
It doesn't get better!........... Do you want to get better?   
How about, it doesn't get better unless I want to get better, and I have to take an active part in getting better to get better? 

This covers so many areas. Personally,  I want to get better at what I am doing in my business, with organizing my world and being truly effective each and every day, so that I can honor those who came before me and leave a legacy of effective living to those coming behind me.

I understand that there are things that happen to us that we honestly have no control over,  illness that debilitates us or is even life threatening.  We can want to get better very badly and sometimes that is just not going to happen, however, I'm going to get better maybe in that case is just about how we treat the people around us no matter how we feel.  Maybe its just about looking for the good things in life and seeing what kind of a legacy we can and should leave behind. Everyone has areas in their life that could be improved.   Some of us have sustained great loss. There are emotions that must be dealt with, disappointment, guilt, anger, insecurity, pride.   Butt some point, the question is, Do I want to get better?  Or It doesn't get better.  Which will it be?

Practice what you Preach

I'm not sure if I am the only one to feel this way, but some days there are just things that happen that are challenging.  When you have a day that several of those things happen in a short period of time, it tends to make you think. 

What I think tonight is that when you are faced with BIG challenges in life, you know the ones that are just Black Or White, its pretty easy to take a stand and believe what you believe.  Ask most people what they believe to be their truth about abortion, for instance.  Generally speaking the answer is going to boil down to "for it" or "against it".  How about going to jail for committing a crime?Even when the topic is much grayer.  Its pretty easy to have a general stance.  Take being in this country with out permission.  Is it Undocumented Immigration, Illegal Immigration or just Open the Doors and let em all in immigration. 
Pick any number of other issues that are out there in the middle of society.  We really are called every single day to take a stand on "the issues of our day". 
But then there are other things that are much more private.  Like each of our personal level of spirituality.  So many choices out there in the cosmos. So many reasons for each persons belief system. 

Today, I have been involved in three or four what I will call "challenging issues of the world close around me", none of which I feel at liberty to give details about tonight.  What I can and will say is that each of those issues has challenged me today to examine my inner self.  Do I REALLY believe what I say I believe?  Do I really MODEL what I say I believe to the world around me?  Can I really practice what I say I believe and TRULY MEAN IT? 

For ME, Spirituality means a belief in the Saving Grace of the Triune God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  Belief that a higher power called GOD is in charge of the world down to the most minute detail and DOES care about even the sparrow and the blades of grass, so must care about me even so much more.  For me, that spirituality means a deep abiding belief that that same God is in charge of every single moment of every single day of every single person on this planet. He knows our days and He knows every single hair on our heads and has ONLY the best in mind for each of us if we accept that best.  Most of all, He knows what has come before, what is now and what is to come and is right here by my side through it all.

For me, in this day called today,  as each of these events and conversations that  have taken place I have been challenged to think, are those words above TRULY What I do believe?  Can I really say with confidence that NO MATTER what happens I believe that God is in charge and will care for me and those around me that also love Him? 

Some days are more of a struggle than others, but even today, I HAVE to believe,  If I didn't, what would be left. 

The Bible also tells me to not take on Tomorrows worries before their time as today has enough of its own.  That is easier said than done some times. 

In times of trouble, I have always tended to close in on myself.  I think that is probably because I learned to do that when I was 2.  The thing is,  even when I appear to withdraw into myself, I am really not, I don't think.  I think I have finally realized that I am hiding under The Rock, from where my strength comes each and every day.

There are those out there who think that people who share my belief system are weak and feel the need to have a crutch.  To those people I say, You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!!!  I am weak, and make mistakes, and need a crutch to lean on.  That Crutch is the only thing that gets me out of bed some mornings.  If YOU don't have that crutch, I cant help but wonder how you do it.

So not to make anything that has gone on today about me in any way, because it is not, I just try to figure out why I act and react the way I do in any given situation.  And while nothing in this is about me at all, I know that My God, will hold me up so that I can help hold up others who have needs far greater than mine.

Enough preaching for one day.............. time to go practice it. 

Two Ends Make the Middle

So having stated that I will write every day, at least something, I haven't for the last several days. 
I find that I don't so much have writers block as they call it as I have NOTHING to write.  Mostly, I find myself still going to extremes.  Either my brain tells me that I don't have time to put any of the many, many words in my head actually on paper, or what ever you want to call writing here, or it tells me that nothing of those many, many topics and ideas would be interesting outside my head, so I give up. 
I am tryin to remember that the advise I am trying to follow says it doesn't MATTER if it is interesting to anyone else, and time really isn't an issue because I can control how many words I put down, I just need to write.  As for topic, there is a great big huge world out there to choose from each and every day and I am personally interested in nearly all of it to some degree or another. 

Deep down in my heart I am a sociologist and I really enjoy just watching the people around me (and now that the cyber world has made the whole WORLD my neighbor) and see how they react in various situations.  I am interested to see why each person tends to react somewhat differently to the very same situation. 

I've been listening to podcasts on the EntreLeadership website from Dave Ramsey and is crew to better learn how to do my life, and business.  In one of the sessions he was talking about meeting two different people at the height of the recession.  Short version is that both of them were landscapers in the Nashville area.  One of them came to Dave, distraught and downtrodden because he had lost his business to the recession.  People who were having to cut budgets because their income was being cut, cut out lawn services and he could no longer stay in business.  The second man came in a few days later bubbling and walking 6 inches off the ground because business couldn't be better.  This man was also a landscaper in the very same area.  His answer was that as everyone else got OUT of the business he picked up all the ones they were no longer there to serve and business couldn't have been BETTER. 

I then saw 2 videos yesterday.  One was about a mother who raised a single son.  There was no mention of a father in this video but it was the story of how she raised this boy, did everything for him, cooked, cleaned, washed his clothes, and as he grew up he got other interests and drifted away.  I also, personally, got the impression that there was more,  for some reason he saw his mother as less than worth his time.  As if she had done what she was supposed to do like a nanny or something and he could just almost fire her, so he went off to do his own life.  It showed her sitting at home alone waiting for him to come to see her again and it took prodding from someone outside his family world to push him to come home.  It was a Chinese video I believe as the mother was waiting to celebrate Chinese New Year.  It was a case of "The Cats in the Cradle"  from the mothers point of view from another land. 

The second video was also I believe Chinese.  It showed a father and his daughter.  Again, no mention of a mother.  It showed the father caring for his daughter, reading to her, helping her with school projects, taking her places, teaching her things, walking her to school and picking her up each day in his business suit.  But after he dropped her off at school he ran to work.  His work was ACTUALLY any job he could find, no matter how small it seems to us.  It was interview after interview trying to find a better job, and back to scrubbing dishes in a restaurant, washing windows, washing clothes, and then poof putting his suit back on to pick up his daughter from school and back to the "successful dad" who helped his daughter with school projects and studying and everything else in the evening.  The point of this video was that she had done a paper in her elementary school classroom telling about her dad.  Telling how wonderful and cool and handsome and smart he was, but he lied.  She said he lied because she KNEW how hard he was working to support them and keep them together and to provide for her.  She wanted him to KNOW that she knew and that she loved and respected him even MORE for how hard he was trying.  I am pretty sure that this girl will not go off on her own and not have time for her father when she becomes an adult. 

I constantly see the different sides of how people react to a family loss.  I know how I do it, and I see how others do it.  I wont even go in to that here as it is a doctoral dissertation in and of itself. 

I just simply watch how people choose to face their world every single day as they get out of bed and the differences in the very same situation is as varied as the people laying in their beds. 

I try not to judge right or wrong most of the time, I just try to observe the differences and see what I can take from each thing to better my own world.  Its the best thing to do because quite honestly, most people don't really WANT to know if there is a different, or better, or healthier way to deal with their world.  I am sure that there are several things I could do to make my world healthier but I, myself, have to decide each time if the pain in the beginning is going to be worth the outcome or not.  Sometimes, it is and some times it isn't. 

So today, I am going to continue to judge the EVENTS in my life to see what I can change for the better of myself and those I am in contact with, and what I need to leave alone. 

Happy Friday to anyone who DOES happen to read this.  I hope your weekend is what ever you make it. 

Change of focus

This last week I was listening to an Entreleadership Podcast with Seth Godin.  I have listened to several things by him in the last year,.  He is a really smart kinda guy and I always take something useful away from things I listen to him saying. 

One of the "take-aways" from this particular show was that he believes EVERYONE should have a blog and blog on it every day. 

He does not say that it is for vanity, or popularity each of us should write daily, but for a record of our own path in life.  If you write every day on some topic that is important to you in that moment, over a year, you see whats important to you in life. 

He also says that you will begin to see growth in yourself or at the least places where you NEED growth and you can address that. 

I have also been involved in a Bible study for the last few months that suggests the need for living a simpler life so that I can focus on my relationship with Christ which leads to more compassion for the world around me.  In this study, the author, Jen Hatmaker, points out any number of times where your thoughts are at, the level your belongings are at, where your check register says you spend money, is where the things that are truly important to YOU are at.   As I have really taken some time to sit back and analyze those things, I am not terribly happy with what I am finding.  This Bible study is only going to be the education part of some changes that I need to make.  This is going to be a very long process to adjust my thoughts and feelings of what I am called to be a part of, to mesh with the different thoughts and feelings of those in my closest inner circle. 

The way I am going to be able to make these things clear in my own head is by an on going conversation with myself, in my own head, but written here for my own personal accountability. 

The first challenge in living a quieter, simpler, less cluttered life is to make this time necessary instead of an afterthought. IF I have time to work on getting out the words that tend to stick in my head because it is very obvious to me that most of what goes on in my head is less than interesting to those around me., instead of it being necessary to my own journey, period.